John Markum

Difficult People

Everyone I know has at least one person in their life that causes them an extra amount of stress, frustration, and even discouragement. Let’s face it… some people are just difficult. And chances are that you have a few in your life who are especially high maintenance. Let’s choose to refer to them as EGR’s (Extra Grace Required)! So what do we do about the difficult people in our lives?

Well first of all, let’s be honest about one thing. The term difficult people is redundant. For every EGR in your life, you are likely to be the same for someone else. Because we all come to the table with our own set of difficulties, pasts, weaknesses, and desires. Any time you get a mix of several people in one place (like church) with all of these factors in mind, there brews a concoction for stress, arguing, cliches, outcasts, and hurt feelings.

You see this early on in the school system with kids who never eat at that table because “we don’t talk to them.” And that mentality carries all the way from junior high straight to adulthood. I’ve even heard people use it as an excuse for not going to church: “I’m not going to some church with all of these people who are so [fill in the blank]!”

Complaining about difficult people at church is much like complaining about all of the sick people in the hospital. If you don’t like them there, where would you suggest they go? So I have put together what I feel are a few key thoughts for dealing with the difficult people in your life.

  • Remember that they are on a process of growing to be like Christ. Some grow differently than others, and some have different issues. Help them through it (Galatians 6:1-3) .
  • Deal with your own rough edges. If you are the one having most of the conflicts with people, realize that the common denominator might be you. Be humble enough to realize that there could be places where you need to grow. In other words, stop thinking of people who need to read this blog, and apply some of this to yourself first (Romans 2:1-4)!
  • Seek peace. Scripture encourages us repeatedly to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9), to accept an offense in order to attain peace (Colossians 3:13), and to do all we can short of sin to live peaceably with all people (Romans 12:16-18). Forgive when needed. Ask forgiveness when needed.
  • Choose your inner circle wisely. Just because they are part of your church family does not mean you have to be BFF’s (“Best Friends Forever” to those my generation or older). Stay closest to the people who lift you up and make you more like Christ (Proverbs 13:20), while not ignoring the others.
  • Don’t gossip. Just because you prefer some people less than others, does not give you permission to trash them to other people (Proverbs 18:6-7). In fact, do the opposite. Speak life about that person (Proverbs 18:20-21). Don’t be fake! But choose to build others up rather than tear them down. And don’t stress yourself over what others may or may not be saying about you. The truth always comes out, and the person talking smack always ends up looking much worse in the end.

God uses difficult people in our lives to grow us to be more like Him and to help others be more like Him also. Be gracious to them, even as God has been gracious to you. Remember: People are not our standard, Jesus is. Let’s focus on Him together.

Blessings,

John

Minute to Lose it

I watched a very exciting episode of the new game show, Minute to Win It, with my wife the other day. It’s a very creative idea for a TV show and seems to be very family oriented: a breath of fresh air in such a value-deficient media. And who said only bad news sales?!

But as I got thinking about the concept, I began thinking of things that take a considerably longer time to earn, yet could be ruined in a brief moment of poor judgement. Doubtlessly, you can think of others to add to this list:

  • A good marriage. Takes half a lifetime to get right. Easily ruined in a variety of ways, and in less time than it takes to say “I did.”
  • Respect. You can work your whole life to develop the respect of your peers, children, spouse, and co-workers. One whoops can ruin a thousand at-a-boy‘s.
  • Health. Probably the first on the list that can be lost innocently. You can workout, lift weights, do routine cardio-aerobics, etc… One bad hit during a pick-up game and your limping for weeks (or longer).
  • Sobriety. From any substance. As Mark Twain once said, “Breaking the smoking habit is easy… I’ve done it hundreds of times.” You haven’t touched a drop of alcohol in years, and one tough day can push you to urges you haven’t given in to for a long time.
  • Purity. Once you cross those lines, you can’t uncross them. Losing something so precious and valuable to someone who has no intentions of committing to you is why God insists that sexuality be reserved for the safety of marriage. Plus, it saves you from a very uncomfortable conversation with the person you will marry.
  • Friendships. Some develop faster than others, but the best ones are always those that are forged by time. Good friendships are all too often torn apart by one act of betrayal, gossip, or selfishness.

Did you notice? None of these things are worth any amount of money. You would likely be very willing to empty every bank account you possess in order to keep the things on this list or in order to get them back. Don’t trade your most valuable possessions for something that is temporary and worth far less!

Blessings,

John

The phrase no pain, no gain has been a mantra for athletes and fitness junkies for years. And what they understand about physical pain needs to be broadened to a much more general use in all of our lives. Pain hurts. That's the whole problem. No one enjoys it, and if someone does, we rightfully

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