John Markum

My advice for single people (Steven Furtick)

This is a re-post from pastor and author, Steven Furtick. It was so good and timely to singles today, that I had to share it with you. You can follow his blog at stevenfurtick.com

 

There’s a lot of advice I could give to single and dating people.

How to be content in this season you’re in.
The kind of person you should be looking to marry.
Boundaries for when you’re dating.

All of those are good and necessary. But there’s something that most Christians completely miss that’s an essential principle for optimal relationships and marriages. If you don’t get this, it doesn’t matter who you date because it will be a fraction of the relationship God meant for you. And your marriage to them will be too.

Happiness is not finding the right person. It’s being the right person.

I’ve seen countless Christians sabotage their marriages not because they married the wrong person but because when they got married they weren’t the right person for the other person. Not in their chemistry, but in their character.

If two half people get together and they’re not complete in Christ, they don’t make a whole person. They subtract from each other rather than adding to each other and they become more miserable.

There’s only one half you’re responsible for right now. And that’s your half.

Stop looking for the person of your dreams and start becoming someone another person is dreaming about. Make someone else’s dreams become a reality.

A lot of single people make lists of what they want in the person they’re looking for. That’s fine. Just make sure that if the person you’re looking for had the same list, they’d find you.

You may be waiting in this season of your life for God to bring the right person.
Or you may be wondering if the person you’re dating is the right person.

He will do it.
He will reveal it.

In the meantime, be what you’re looking for.

Gender Equality and the Bible

Some have suggested that the Bible puts women in a place of inferiority in the home, society, and with God. Before I get too deep into the subject, it suits us to first observe a few facts regarding this subject:

  • Both men and women are created in God’s image, and therefore considered to possess similarities to God in their own unique ways, and to be of equal value to God. (Genesis 1:27)
  • Women are found to be used by God in places of leadership as well as men. (See Deborah, Anna, Priscilla, Huldah, Phoebe, Lydia…)
  • Women have been prophets in the Bible.
  • Women have provided leadership and instruction from God to men, including kings and preachers.
  • One woman appears to have been a “deacon” in the church. (The greek word diakonos is translated to “deacon” but literally it means “servant.” It is applied to specific men, as well as Phoebe in the New Testament. Some translations call Phoebe a “deacon” or “deaconess” for consistency.)
  • Scripture generally excludes women from teaching in the church except under the authority of a man, specifically her husband. (1 Timothy 2:11-12)
  • Women are required by God to be submissive to their husband “as unto the Lord”. (Ephesians 5:22, 23)
  • Men are required by God to love their wife “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25)

Now to summarize all of this with what we already know, we have to start by acknowledging that men and women are different and therefore cannot possibly be “equal” in every way, nor should they be. Physically, emotionally, relationally, biologically, and mentally we are totally different. So more accurately, men and women are equal in value, but not in role or function. The average man is stronger than the average woman. The average woman can have babies. Men… 0%. Men are more adept at learning some skills and abilities, whereas women are more adept at others. We’re not the same! Is that a point we even have to argue?!?

The tension comes with the relationship between us. In marriage, according to the Bible, the husband is suppose to be the leader among equals. As a pastor and counselor, I have found that a majority of women are willing to follow a man that’s worth following. Especially if the husband is loving his wife to the same level that Christ loves His church and died to save it. It takes as much courage to follow as it does to lead.

What about in the work place? The Bible does not relegate women to working only within the home. I think a woman should get paid the same as a man, so long as she has the same qualifications, tenure, and productivity. Are there some jobs women should NOT do? I personally feel that men are to be protectors. Because of that, I’m not a big fan of women taking combative roles in the military or police forces. Call me a sexist, I guess I’d rather see a man die saving a woman than see a woman die saving man. With that said, I have nothing but respect and gratitude to the men and women who have fought for freedom.

If you’re a man… you were made in the image of God and to bear His image as a man. You have a calling and a role in life and history that is worth you pursuing as a man.

Women… you are not inferior. You are different. God created you in His image as well, and you are called to bear that image of God uniquely as a woman. Embrace your nature and calling and be everything that God has already equipped you to do as the woman He has created you to be.

To both men and women… change your world in the way God has gifted you to. We are not simply opposites, we are complementary of one another.

18 Myths Singles Believe

This is coming straight from Perry Noble, pastor of NewSpring Church in SC and deserves reposting. Some apply more to men, some apply more to women. Here are 18 myths that singles buy into:

  • #1: Being miserable is the result of being single…getting married will solve all my problems.
  • #2: I’ve messed up in my past and do not deserve anyone good. (See I Corinthians 6:9-11, especially focus on verse 11!)
  • #3: Ephesians 3:20 isn’t true for me and my future spouse…I need to settle.
  • #4: This relationship that I am in isn’t what I would like my marriage to be like..but when we get married I can change this person.
  • #5: Having sex will simplify things and cause the person I am dating and myself to have so much more in common.  (See I Corinthians 6:18-20)
  • #6: This person is not God’s best for me…but if I rush through the process of dating and getting married then I have God backed into a corner and He has to bless me because He loves me, right?  (See Deuteronomy 6:16)
  • #7: Marriage isn’t that big of a deal…if my first one does not work out then I can drop them and start over.  (See Malachi 2:13-16)
  • #8: Getting married isn’t going to alter my lifestyle…I am still going to be able to live like I did when I was single, the only difference is I’m going to get to have more sex.
  • #9: I am going to get to have sex anytime I want.
  • #10: We are going to cuddle all of the time.
  • #11: The things that really get all over my nerves about this person won’t bother me as much when we get married.
  • #12: The fact that we do not agree on what we believe when it comes to Jesus and the church will not impact the way we raise our kids. (See II Corinthians 6:14 and Amos 3:3)
  • #13: We should live together before we get married to give it a “trial run,” after all, you would not buy a car without test driving it first.  (See Hebrews 13:4)
  • #14: I need to keep as many secrets about my past from this person as possible; after all, my past issues won’t impact this relationship at all.
  • #15: All of my friends are married…I am not…something is obviously wrong with me.
  • #16: The way I handle my money now will not impact my future marriage.
  • #17: When I get married my spouse will meet all of my needs.
  • #18: Dating is tough…marriage is easy!

The phrase no pain, no gain has been a mantra for athletes and fitness junkies for years. And what they understand about physical pain needs to be broadened to a much more general use in all of our lives. Pain hurts. That's the whole problem. No one enjoys it, and if someone does, we rightfully

The Premium of Pain