I gave the ladies a list of things to look for on their quest for the right guy, so it’s only fair that I give the fellas some things as well. Most guys don’t actually have a written list of things they’re looking for in a girl, but the thought is still the same. So here are some things you better pay attention to when it comes to the kind of girl you go after.
- Is her love for Christ her first priority? This will affect everything else: purity, time, parenting, loyalty, forgiveness, etc. Ignore this, or make it less than your first criteria, and you’re being foolish.
- Am I attracted to her? Why? Let’s not kid… guys, you want to marry someone you are physically attracted to. And some may call that shallow. I say that you better marry someone you are attracted to, otherwise you are making an even bigger opportunity for pornography or even adultery to creep into your marriage. I didn’t say she had to be a super model, or attractive according to cultural standards. She just has to be attractive to you. But past her physical appeal, what else draws you to her? Her laugh? Intelligence? Quick wits? Work ethic? Love of children? Cooking?
- Is she desperate for “a” guy? I didn’t mention this as much with the girls mostly because almost no girl will go for a guy who just wants “a” girl. But guys seem to be more willing than girls to go after someone with low self-esteem. The reason is often because we like to be the hero for the damsel in distress. The problem is, you’re human, bro. You’re going to let her down, and you need someone who doesn’t look to you as her Messiah. Refer back to #1.
- What is her relationship like with her parents? Different reasons than with the ladies. True, her relationship with her father can almost always predict with near dead-eye accuracy how she will treat you. But girls are also more likely to let their parents have a say in their relationship. See if that’s something she might struggle with. It’s good for her to be tight with her mom, but you don’t want her bashing you to your mother-in-law behind your back after you say “I do.” Talk about and make sure she’s on board with working your problems out together, without mom and dad’s help. If not, you might want to let mom and dad have her!
- Can she admit when she’s wrong? Us guys know that we mess up a lot, so for us, we need to make sure that we give sincere apologies, and not just quick ones. But ladies can be stubborn when it becomes their turn to admit fault. I’ve never cared much for women who are more interested in being right than they were in making things right.
- Do I ever feel like I want a break from her? Not in the quasi-break up kind of way. I mean more in the way of…. well… I’ll just say it: Do you ever just want to get away from her? I’m surprise at how many dudes say “YES!!!” to this. I’m not saying that you should be with her every minute of the day, but if you get tired of being around her, that’s a major red flag, bro! I’ve been married 7 years, and yes I have time for myself, and there are times when it’s impossible for us to be together, but I can’t think of a time that I wanted Tiffany to be away from me.
- Will she follow me?/Can I lead her? If she can’t follow your lead you’re wasting your time. Period. No, Gungor, you don’t need to rule your home like a barbarian with a wife that grovels in your presence. However, you do need a wife that honors you and views you as the leader among two equals in her home. It’s what you’re really looking for anyway. Don’t settle for less.
Blessings,
John