Marriage – Page 3 – John Markum

Why Our Marriage Works

Posted on February 7, 2014 by johnmarkum

Our church is starting a new series this weekend (in a new place!) before Valentine’s Day called Mr. & Mrs. Betterhalf in which we are focusing on building lasting marriages. I was out with my wife this week walking downtown San Jose on a date – call it research. We’re celebrating our 10th anniversary this June and I got to thinking about why we’re beating the statistics; according to divorce rates, we should have ended it at least 5 years ago. Yet, we’re better and stronger than ever. Here’s why I believe our marriage works…

My wife is my best friend. This sounds cliche, but I genuinely mean this. I would rather spend time with my wife than any other person. While we do have our separate interests, we enjoy most things together; ministry, sports, family time, mutual friendships, etc. She knows me. And I know her. Like best friends should.
We solve problems. Every couple fights. Or at least they should. Too often, to avoid conflict, many couples just bottle up their frustrations until it eventually explodes, resulting in an even uglier conflict. While Tiffany and I don’t like to fight, we would rather the air be clear between us than fake our way through a single day.
Nothing is more important to us. My marriage takes second place to nothing. Really. Nothing. “What about your kids?” The best gift I can give my children is a good example of a strong marriage. Where do you think kids get their strongest impressions of what a family should/shouldn’t be like? That’s right, the one they come out of. “What about your relationship with God?” This may come as a shock, but God is not the first priority of my life. He’s bigger than that to me. He’s the center of every priority in my life. So it isn’t “God and then my marriage,” it’s “God in my marriage.” According to the Bible, my marriage is a reflection of my relationship with God. That only makes my commitment to Tiffany that much stronger.
Two words: Date. Night. Tiff and I have some form of a date every week. With four kids, we don’t have the time or money to get out as often as we like, so “date night” means a tub of ice cream and Netflix some weeks. But about every other week, we do get out, and go do something together. After 10 years, I’m still dating my wife and pursuing her heart. I plan on continuing to date her for the rest of my life.
Our marriage has a vision. We talk about growing old together. About watching our grand kids grow up, and seeing their marriages last. We are trying to have the kind of marriage now that we want them to have one day. We hope to be the beginnings of a godly legacy of men and women who beat the cultural trends and make it work.

It’s important for me to point out that my marriage doesn’t work because I’m better than anyone else. What I do know, is that if others had the same self-sacrificing love that I have for Tiffany, and she has for me, than more marriages would last. We want everyone to have as good (or better!) of a marriage as us. And that is what this new series is about. Strengthening marriages God’s way. Whether you’re married, single, or single-again, we believe God wants to work powerfully through your relationships. So if you’re in the area, we hope to see you!

Blessings,
Pastor John

Things MEN Do

Posted on March 22, 2013 by johnmarkum

This is for every man out there who needs a reminder of who they were created to be. No two men are the same, but we do have a common birthright as brothers. Some of these things are lost or forgotten on some level. I say it’s time we got took them back. Here are six things I think are true of every real man I’ve ever known.

1. Men don’t face each day – we attack it. No more lazy entitlement for what we’ve done in the past. Each day is a new opportunity to make an impact. There’s work to do and real men don’t play the “victim” card for having to do it.
2. Respect women. I want to punch a dude every time I see/hear him putting a women down. Especially his own wife. Man up, bro! And God help you if you hit a woman in my presence. I’m just saying… you’ve been warned, hombre. “Oh my! That’s violent!” No… that’s a man.
3. Take responsibility. It’s easy to wait for someone else to take initiative. Real men don’t stand around waiting for “someone” to do “something.” We see what needs to be done and become part of the solution. Anyone can be a critic on the sideline – it requires no honor. It takes guts to to make a difference, however.
4. Apologize. Yeah, that’s right. A real man can admit when he’s wrong. And he can verbalized it. And then do better.
5. Makes other men better. I love seeing men call other men into their God-given potential. Especially when it’s an older man to a younger man. But even between peers, it’s a powerful experience to see and be part of “iron sharpening iron.”
6. Keep their word. As best as they know how, real men do what they say they’re going to do. If they say they’ll do it, you can take that promise to the bank. They know that you can’t make excuses and progress at they same time.

This is not an exhaustive list by any means. But you have to start with these things, in my observations. And yes, eating meat, fixing things, and knowing how to throw a football help prove your manliness. But make you a man, they do not.

Blessings,
Pastor John

(That last line sounded kinda like Yoda, didn’t it? Hmm… Perhaps mentioning something about knowing Star Wars trivia, I should have…)

“The VIRGIN Bachelor”

Posted on February 26, 2013 by johnmarkum

That’s what the magazine read on my way through the checkout line at WalMart (yes, WalMart, don’t judge me). Not that I’m racing home to catch Sean Lowe picking through two dozen plus women on national television for The Bachelor, but it’s hard to miss all of the buzz as the season is apparently winding down. The cliff notes of the buzz stirring lately seem to be that Sean, “a devote Christian” has been saving himself for marriage, sexually speaking – something difficult to maintain as a contestant of the show, from what I understand.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that The Bachelor is a suitable show, nor am I advocating getting emotionally (or physically) entangled with multiple people for the sake of millions of viewers’ entertainment. I also am not verifying that this season’s Bachelor is a role-model Christian. I don’t know the guy! However, if he has indeed committed to saving his sexuality for marriage, I certainly support such a commitment.

The rub for me, is that many of the news articles I’ve seen are treating Sean as if he has some disability for being an attractive man in his 20’s that is not sleeping with any number of the potentially willing women on his show. Apparently, now engaged to one of the “contestants,” he still insists on waiting until their wedding to have sex.

I’m tired of the way the media, internet, and movies try to brainwash our culture about our own sexuality. To the point that a man who appears physically healthy is criticized for valuing himself enough to save his sexuality for a commitment (a.k.a. marriage) where it can be freely expressed with a trusted person (a.k.a. his wife). If he isn’t “doing it” there must be a reason, right? Because “normal” people don’t wait until marriage for sex… right?!

Listen up men…

Having sex does not make you a “real man”.
Choosing to delay your own gratification makes you wise, not weird.
Having sex with virtually every willing female does not make you a man – dogs do that.
Real men commit to keeping their God-given sexuality for their wife alone.
Sex before marriage ruins good relationships and prolongs bad ones. I haven’t seen an exception yet.
If you’ve made some mistakes in the past, you can be different from this point forward – your past does not have to define you.

Assuming this season’s Bachelor and his fiance do maintain their sexual boundaries, I am very confident that it will all work out on their wedding night. For all the talk of the need for “sexual compatibility,” our culture forgets that their talking about people, not used cars. I know far more people who slept around that regret it, than those who saved themselves and wished they had not.

Be unique. Save your sex… And find something better than The Bachelor to watch, too! Gees, people…

Blessings,
Pastor John