John Markum

In Memoriam: Arihant Kanwal

In the first two months of 2025, our church has had to say goodbye to three people. And while each loss has been difficult in its own respective ways, nothing is harder than losing a child. 7-year-old, Ari Kanwal was the center of much prayer, tears, anointing, and pleading to God for deliverance from a terrible disease. Despite a full year of our sincerest prayers, and the best medical decisions his family knew how to make, we had to all say goodbye to him at his memorial on January 11 at our church, Life Valley Community Church of San Jose. Below is a eulogy I wrote for him, with the help of Ari’s mother Chavi. For those who knew him, may God continue to heal our hearts as we carry his memory with us…


In Memoriam: Arihant Kanwal

Arihant Kanwal (“Ari”) was born November 16, 2017 in Mumbai, India, and passed from this life December 27, 2024 in San Francisco, CA. While he was only with us for 7 short years, that time will leave a lasting impact on everyone who had the privilege of knowing him. Born as a twin, Ari spent his life alongside his brother, Rudy. While Rudy took to sleeping in his crib early, Ari would often stay up with mom, laying in her lap as she worked at her computer. These precious moments are one of many examples of the love Ari had for his mother, and he would cuddle her until he could fall asleep.

Ari found academic education exciting and engaging. He became focused, and grounded through learning. He thrived on creativity and academic excellence. He was very structured and meticulous – anything he worked on had to be a very organized, specific way. He enjoyed the praise of teachers, parents, and others for exceling in school. He loved solving large puzzles, building incredible Lego structures, and of course… all things Mario! When Ari went to a chess class for the very first time, he managed to grasp the concepts and intricate movements and strategic patterns of the game within an hour.

As a boy, Ari was very sensitive to conflict or tension. He seemed to be more self-aware than many other kids his age, picking up on emotional stress, even among the adults in his life. And this seemed to make Ari even more sweet, sensitive, and kind at heart. He was affectionate, giving hugs and high-fives, and was always mom’s cuddle-buddy. And, like mom, he loved Bollywood music.

It was Ari and his brother Rudy who brought their mom to church. Meeting Pastor Pat Boyd on our church campus, they came to a Candlelight service, Christmas Eve, 2021. And would later get deeper connected to the church family between Easter of 2022 and the following July. Ari loved the Scriptures, especially the Psalms, learning Bible stories, participating in children’s ministry, Sports Camps, and so much more. He came to know the story of the Gospel, and had believed on Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. We would often get “Connect Cards” from him where he would fill out his own information, and would write out “I love Jesus!” by himself.

Sadly, everything began to change just over a year ago, when, on Christmas Day 2023, we found out that Ari had a serious disease that was threatening his little life. And although many of the medical expertise suggested that Ari might have only a few short months, Ari fought bravely, and stayed with us for another full year. During that final year, so many from the church, school, and medical community rallied around Ari and his family, celebrating milestones, cheering on his strength, and making the best memories we could while hoping and desperately praying for a miracle. Even as the disease progressed, Ari was a gentle and kind boy. At his birthday party at school, even while he was losing much of his vision and mobility, he wanted to personally hand out the gift bags to his friends and classmates, thanking them for their love and kindness toward him on his birthday. He remained a kind, thoughtful, and sensitive young man.

His last year he got to see Legoland, take beach trips, lake trips, camping, and more – making memories with those who loved him. Among the many high points we will carry with us from Ari was when he chose to get baptized this past September 2024. Demonstrating publicly that he knew Who he had believed in. We will forever be grateful for those memories, and so many others.

While we are grieved to say goodbye to him, the world is a better place because we had Ari for the time that we did. Only Heaven knows what his sharp mind and kind heart could have accomplished, had this terrible disease not taken him from us. And yet, our confidence is in the potential that still remains with us, as we honor his memory. We continue to keep his family, church, and school deep in our prayers as we carry the memory of his life, and grief of his passing with us always.

2024 in Review

This past year was been crazy! There is a lot for my family and I to celebrate as we look back over this year, and I’m proud of the work my family and I have collectively put into achieving a number of accomplishments. Here is what the recap of 2024 looks like for us:

  • I graduated from Mission University with my Master of Arts in Church Ministry.
  • Tiffany completed her Associate of Arts in Early Childhood Education.
  • Emilee graduated high school, moved, and began her freshman year at Mission University.
  • Me, Kali, and Emilee all went on a missions trip with our church to Kenya, in partnership with REAL4Christ Ministries. Go sponsor a child here
  • Josiah went on his first missions trip to Mexico with our church family.
  • Tiffany started a new job that she loves as a Senior Childcare Specialist.
  • Emilee and Kali both earned their drivers licenses.
  • Tiffany and I emceed for the Mobilize Impact Conference in San Leandro, CA.
  • I was invited to preach at Global Surge Worship Center, in Pasig, Manilla, Philippines, and speak at the S4 Conference hosted by Global Surge, and visionary leader, Dr. Greg Lyons.
  • Tiffany and I were able to visit Cebu as we celebrated our 20th Anniversary. There, we got to swim with whale sharks, and hiked, swam, and jumped through the canyons of Kawasan Falls.
  • We led our church family through the entire story of Scripture from Genesis to Revelation in a year.
  • I published my third, 8-week Bible study, which you can find here.
  • I read no less than 20 books, and parts of hundreds more in my studies.

And while 2024 certainly included its challenges, my family and I are looking forward to everything this year has to offer.

As we get into 2025, there have been many more challenges and opportunities we look forward to overcoming. I should finish my Master of Divinity (MDiv), Tiffany is well on her way to completing a Bachelors, Kali will graduate high school, and Elijah (our youngest) will be entering high school! In addition, our growing church family is moving to two services on March 2, and we are praying to baptize 20+ people this year. I have a few works I hope to complete including a book on building a worthwhile marriage, and a pastor’s field manual.

What are you goals for the new year? Comment below!

Blessings,
Pastor John

The Most Important Thing You Should Know About Your Pastor

I want to preface this by saying that I love my church and I know my church loves me! It is difficult to share important issues like this without someone assuming there’s a problem. Few people know what it’s like to be a pastor, unless they’ve done it. So I want to be clear that I’m writing this from a place of transparency, not a place of resentment. I’m also writing this for all the pastors out there who feel what I’m about to share, but don’t feel safe to say it themselves. In the end, I hope this helps everyone in your churches relate to your pastor better, wherever you call your church home…

I’ve been blessed to be called “Pastor” for nearly 20 years now. I’ve also had the privilege of mentoring a number of other godly men who serve as pastors in other ministries, as well as networking with hundreds who serve around the country and across the globe. If I had to summarize the most important thing I wish people in our churches knew about us, it would be this…

Pastors are people too.

No duh, right? But in my personal experience, and seeing the experiences of so many others in my role, I sincerely believe that most church members and attenders routinely forget this, and it manifests itself in a multitude of ways. From forgetting that your pastor has his own sin and personality, to not realizing that he has feelings and needs also – many people in churches see their pastor as a resource, and little more. To the average church attender’s credit, I sincerely believe this is generally unintentional.

When we often approach our pastors to express our desires, preferences, struggles, frustrations, and needs, it gets easy to forget that our pastors are trying to manage the desires, preferences, struggles, frustrations, and needs of everyone in the church and community they’re trying to reach… not to mention their own desires, preferences, struggles, frustrations, and needs!

Add to this the fact that pastor are almost always unable to share any of these struggles. You can vent about your job on Facebook, but not if you’re a pastor. If a customer or client is hard to work with at your job, you can joke about it afterward with your coworkers or friends, but for a pastor, this would amount to spreading gossip or far worse. So when pastors get hurt – and we often do – the only person they are generally able to share it with, is the only person they are incapable of hiding it from… your pastor’s wife. And yet, that is also not an option many times, for reasons of confidentiality and protecting her well-being. As a result, we tell our wives things like, “I’m hurting over something, but I can’t share it.”

The truth is, most pastors are desperately lonely. Few people in church ever sincerely think to check on a pastors’ emotional, relational, or spiritual well-being until a sin-issue arises with him, which usually results in his dismissal… and he knows this, and wants avoid becoming a casualty. So what do most pastors do? Bottle it up. We seek the Lord, yes. And Jesus is enough for us, just like He is enough for you. But we are people, too. And it gets hard to focus on Jesus, when the only focus many pastors get from people is in the form of criticism.

Let me offer a few helpful things to seeing your pastor as a person whom Jesus radically loves…

  • Accept that he isn’t perfect. Knowing he isn’t perfect is one thing, but accepting it is something different entirely. Realize that he is trying to grow in His walk with God just like you, and he is not going to get it right all of the time. When he once again “falls short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23), choose to extend the same grace to him as you hope he will extend to you in your sin.
  • Recognize he lives in a glass bowl. The pastor lives his life on a very public display. We routinely share our lives, flaws, failures, and struggles as we preach because we know that you may admire our strengths, but you relate to our weaknesses. Additionally, our entire families are on display! You know far more about our kids then our kids know about you… this creates a ton of pressure for the pastor, his wife, and their kids.
  • Respect healthy boundaries. Pastoring is a 24/7 job. We get calls and emails in the middle of the night, on our days off, and while vacationing with our families, often for non-emergencies. Some people stop us to criticize us right before we’re suppose to stand up and preach God’s Word. And others just assume his availability is entirely open to their own schedule. Some helpful advice, is don’t call/text your pastor after 9pm unless it is an emergency. If you need to talk, ask for an appointment, and tell him what it’s about. If you’re vague, you put him in the position of speculating and fearing the worst.
  • Express gratitude more than criticism. You are probably aware of 100 problems in your church, but your pastor is aware of 1,000. The vast majority of which, he is unable to share with you. He has to address roughly a dozen issues a day at a minimum just to keep the ministry moving in the right direction. Choose to be one of the people who honors, thanks, prays for, and expresses love and kindness to your pastor. Even more so, do this for his wife and kids! Some of the best acts of love my church family has ever done for me was blessing my wife and children. It was Tiffany’s birthday just last Sunday, and several people brought my wife cards, gifts, and even flowers. A few months ago, another member in the church discovered my youngest son was really into different rocks and geodes, so he bought him a special microscope for looking at different rocks… it wasn’t even my son’s birthday! Even just a simple word of encouragement, text, or email to say “thanks for all you do” goes much farther than you realize.
  • Listen to grow. The best compliment to any sermon is a changed life. Some people only listen to criticize. Others listen because they “like” the preaching, but they don’t intend to do anything with it! God promised that His Word would never return void, but would accomplish His purposes (Isaiah 55:11). Even if your pastor is not the most-brilliant preacher you’ve ever heard, he’s your preacher. If he weekly opens you to the Scriptures and does his best to convey something useful through the Word, take what can be used and choose to be obedient to the Word.
  • Embrace the vision. The pastor is called to lead, or literally “oversee” the church (1 Peter 5:1-3) – not just preach to it. And a leader take people somewhere they were not planning to go. If they were planning to go, then they would have done it without the leader, ironically making them the leader. Good pastors do their best to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, obey the Word of God, understand their church, and discern their times and community as we lead the church. We have many voices competing to influence our leadership, including within our churches – and they are often contradictory of one another or contradictory of God’s voice. Instead of trying to get your pastor to see things your way, what if you chose to see things his way? What if the whole congregation chose to see things the same way as the man you’ve collectively affirmed as your pastor? What could your church get done for the Kingdom if this was your default attitude, rather than a reluctant last resort?
  • Pray for your pastor. Pray for his family. Pray for his marriage. Pray for God to bless him, lead him, and reward him openly for his labor. Pray for his integrity and character. Pray for his boldness and leadership. Pray for his peace. As it goes for your pastor, it will often go for your church. If he struggles, the church struggles. If he falls, the church stumbles. If he wins, the church wins. Pray that God would protect, guide, and bless him as he serves all of you, so that it may also go well for the church.

I know for many of you reading this, you feel a weight of anxiety about trusting your pastor. I also know that in many cases, that comes from a place of church hurt, often because of a “pastor” who loved his authority more than his congregation. But in my experience, those kind are the exception, not the norm. Most pastors are hard-working, deep-loving, God-fearing men who wish to lead well, and draw their communities to Jesus. In my next post, I’ll give a handful of ways you know you got a “good” pastor.

Blessings,
Pastor John

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