EVERY unmarried girl I’ve ever know has had “the list”: a detailed description of what her ideal man would be like. Some of the things on the list are non-negotiables while some of them are more “wants” than requirements. Regardless of who you are, here are a few things that should make the list of all the single ladies (I couldn’t resist):
- Loves Jesus more than you. If he does, you should feel more secure, not less. He answers to a higher authority than you regarding your relationship.
- Respects his parents. He will bring several parts from this relationship into your marriage… just like you will.
- Has a J-O-B. A real man takes care of himself and his family. No excuses. If he would rather have no job over washing dishes, RUN! Also be very leery of a guy that quits one job before he has another.
- Treats all women with respect. Young, old, attractive, less attractive, funny, boring, whatever… Treating women with respect without any thought of what he can get out of his kindness, tells me that chivalry is part of his values, not simply his behavior on a first date.
- Physically patient. If he gets pushy for the first kiss, leave him. Period. What else will he try pressuring you into? If he cannot delay gratification in the small things, it’s unlikely that he will on the bigger, more obvious things later. There’s a word for this guy: selfish. And he’s more interested in what he can get than in what you need.
- Self-secure. Confidence is extremely attractive. Few people want to be with someone that is always down on themselves. And a man definitely requires a certain amount of security in himself, and your relationship, if he is going to be any kind of leader. If he constantly questions you on where you’re going, who you’re with, etc. then maybe you need to sit down and talk about the root of these insecurities. If it can’t be resolved, you may need to move on. Insecurity can escalate dangerously if not put into check.
- Not Conceited. While you want a man that is self secure, you do not want a man who thinks he’s “all that.” If he loves himself more than you, chances are, he’ll end up being the only one with such a high opinion of himself.
- Compatibility. Specifically in the areas of family expectations, life direction, and values. If he intends on living on the west coast and you’re from Virginia, you may have to decide whether you’re willing to live so far from your family. Also, are you willing to be married to a guy who does __________ for a living? Or did you always dream of marrying a guy that did something else? How much of those things are you willing to let go of or adapt?
Blessings,
John