relationship – John Markum

Single Ladies’ Checklist

Posted on October 17, 2011 by johnmarkum

EVERY unmarried girl I’ve ever know has had “the list”: a detailed description of what her ideal man would be like. Some of the things on the list are non-negotiables while some of them are more “wants” than requirements. Regardless of who you are, here are a few things that should make the list of all the single ladies (I couldn’t resist):

Loves Jesus more than you. If he does, you should feel more secure, not less. He answers to a higher authority than you regarding your relationship.
Respects his parents. He will bring several parts from this relationship into your marriage… just like you will.
Has a J-O-B. A real man takes care of himself and his family. No excuses. If he would rather have no job over washing dishes, RUN! Also be very leery of a guy that quits one job before he has another.
Treats all women with respect. Young, old, attractive, less attractive, funny, boring, whatever… Treating women with respect without any thought of what he can get out of his kindness, tells me that chivalry is part of his values, not simply his behavior on a first date.
Physically patient. If he gets pushy for the first kiss, leave him. Period. What else will he try pressuring you into? If he cannot delay gratification in the small things, it’s unlikely that he will on the bigger, more obvious things later. There’s a word for this guy: selfish. And he’s more interested in what he can get than in what you need.
Self-secure. Confidence is extremely attractive. Few people want to be with someone that is always down on themselves. And a man definitely requires a certain amount of security in himself, and your relationship, if he is going to be any kind of leader. If he constantly questions you on where you’re going, who you’re with, etc. then maybe you need to sit down and talk about the root of these insecurities. If it can’t be resolved, you may need to move on. Insecurity can escalate dangerously if not put into check.
Not Conceited. While you want a man that is self secure, you do not want a man who thinks he’s “all that.” If he loves himself more than you, chances are, he’ll end up being the only one with such a high opinion of himself.
Compatibility. Specifically in the areas of family expectations, life direction, and values. If he intends on living on the west coast and you’re from Virginia, you may have to decide whether you’re willing to live so far from your family. Also, are you willing to be married to a guy who does __________ for a living? Or did you always dream of marrying a guy that did something else? How much of those things are you willing to let go of or adapt?

Blessings,

John

Difficult People

Posted on July 13, 2011 by johnmarkum

Everyone I know has at least one person in their life that causes them an extra amount of stress, frustration, and even discouragement. Let’s face it… some people are just difficult. And chances are that you have a few in your life who are especially high maintenance. Let’s choose to refer to them as EGR’s (Extra Grace Required)! So what do we do about the difficult people in our lives?

Well first of all, let’s be honest about one thing. The term difficult people is redundant. For every EGR in your life, you are likely to be the same for someone else. Because we all come to the table with our own set of difficulties, pasts, weaknesses, and desires. Any time you get a mix of several people in one place (like church) with all of these factors in mind, there brews a concoction for stress, arguing, cliches, outcasts, and hurt feelings.

You see this early on in the school system with kids who never eat at that table because “we don’t talk to them.” And that mentality carries all the way from junior high straight to adulthood. I’ve even heard people use it as an excuse for not going to church: “I’m not going to some church with all of these people who are so [fill in the blank]!”

Complaining about difficult people at church is much like complaining about all of the sick people in the hospital. If you don’t like them there, where would you suggest they go? So I have put together what I feel are a few key thoughts for dealing with the difficult people in your life.

Remember that they are on a process of growing to be like Christ. Some grow differently than others, and some have different issues. Help them through it (Galatians 6:1-3) .
Deal with your own rough edges. If you are the one having most of the conflicts with people, realize that the common denominator might be you. Be humble enough to realize that there could be places where you need to grow. In other words, stop thinking of people who need to read this blog, and apply some of this to yourself first (Romans 2:1-4)!
Seek peace. Scripture encourages us repeatedly to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9), to accept an offense in order to attain peace (Colossians 3:13), and to do all we can short of sin to live peaceably with all people (Romans 12:16-18). Forgive when needed. Ask forgiveness when needed.
Choose your inner circle wisely. Just because they are part of your church family does not mean you have to be BFF’s (“Best Friends Forever” to those my generation or older). Stay closest to the people who lift you up and make you more like Christ (Proverbs 13:20), while not ignoring the others.
Don’t gossip. Just because you prefer some people less than others, does not give you permission to trash them to other people (Proverbs 18:6-7). In fact, do the opposite. Speak life about that person (Proverbs 18:20-21). Don’t be fake! But choose to build others up rather than tear them down. And don’t stress yourself over what others may or may not be saying about you. The truth always comes out, and the person talking smack always ends up looking much worse in the end.

God uses difficult people in our lives to grow us to be more like Him and to help others be more like Him also. Be gracious to them, even as God has been gracious to you. Remember: People are not our standard, Jesus is. Let’s focus on Him together.

Blessings,

John

New Series: Relationships

Posted on February 5, 2011 by johnmarkum

My leadership team and I wanted to take the month of February and deal with relationships. We wanted to broaden it past the typical series on dating or marriage though. We wanted to deal with all relationships, and communicate that somehow. So tonight, we began a new series called, “Relationships: Mothers, Brothers, and Others”. Above is a video to let you know about it. We hope through this series that people will feel empowered to see their relationships healed in the name of Jesus, and establish healthier ones. If you happen to be around the Quad Cities, we would love to have you as our guest. If you’re not in the area, you are welcome to see the message online later this week (www.qcawakening.com). And if you’re a preacher and want to take our series idea, graphic, and/or video to use at your church… be our guest! Email me or leave a comment if you want something specific.

See you all this week!

John