children – John Markum

Daddy Letters 01-05-12

Posted on January 9, 2012 by johnmarkum

Emilee, Kali, Josiah, and Elijah…

As of the time that I’m writing this, each of you are very young and yet so different:

Emilee, you are 6 years old and in Kindergarten! You have your Daddy’s stubbornness and your Mommy’s tender heart. Your smile makes my worst day bright and everyone says that your laugh is intoxicating. You are so smart! And sometimes too clever for your own good. But you are very special to us. And you are a terrific big sister!
Kali, you are 4 years old and want to do everything that you see your big sister do. You are very opinionated already! Everyone tells me that you are the one that’s going to cause me trouble with the boys! But they don’t know how much you love your Daddy. And no boy can shake us. You say the funniest things! Your mom and I laugh all the time at the stuff you come up with. Especially when you can’t say it without putting your hands on your hips. You are precious to me! You are forever more, my “Little Bug.”
Josiah, you are 2 and there is nothing you can’t turn into a weapon! I asked God for a little boy and I got every bit of it in you! Much to my surprise though, you took longer than your sisters in warming up to me. But we’re definitely making up for lost time now. I can already see such potential in you. You have a good heart. And a strong, but sensitive spirit. When you grow up, we’re going to be best friends!
Elijah, you’re just a baby, dude! But you are at the “fun” baby stage. You can roll over, and you smile and laugh all the time. You and I became fast buddies. I love the way you smile up at me when you realize I’m around you. You have a look about you of an “old soul.” Women at church can’t seem to put you down. You are surrounded by a brother and sisters who adore you.

You’re all so young still, and our house is full of crazy activity all day long. But your Mom and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. We love watching all four of you growing up together. At this point in your lives, you may not appreciate some of the things we do, but our love for you is unshakeable, and we delight in each of you in your own uniqueness. We know that you will make us so proud in your own ways, and we are honored to be your parents.

Though you had no choice in the matter, thank you for being my kids. I promise to give you the best of my life, and to help you be everything that God created you to be. I cannot begin to tell you how much more you’ve taught me about our heavenly Father. And it is my pleasure to teach you about Him as well. I’ll write to each of you again soon.

All my heart,

Daddy

Fathering Daughters

Posted on December 7, 2011 by johnmarkum

When Tiffany and I started growing our family, God blessed us with two girls before we had our boys, Josiah and Elijah. I had always been the kind of man that looked forward to raising my boys:

Throwing the ball in the backyard.
Coaching them in baseball or basketball.
Going fishing.
Watching them begin taking an interest in girls.
Explaining later why girls are so mean (kidding! kinda…).

But then we had Emilee… and then Kali. And suddenly I had to begin thinking in terms of Barbie dolls, tea parties, princess dresses, estrogen, and (some day) boys – as in other boys. Boys who will look at my little princesses the same way that I first looked at their mother years earlier. At least I’ll know how to deal with that side of things. I can communicate very effectively to the male specie (“Touch her anywhere, and your loved ones will never find you again.”). But I digress…

I think I’ve always had a good idea of what it meant to be a good Dad to boys. And if we had started out with Josiah and Elijah, I wonder if I would have been as good of a father to my girls as I’m trying to be now. But being blessed with the family God gave me, made me have to think about this sooner. So here are a few things I feel as if God has taught me about being a father to Emilee and Kali, that every man with a little girl should realize:

Girls like to be noticed. Yes, in general all females do. But they start looking for it very young. And it’s different than with boys. Girls want you to watch them dance, show you their new outfits, sing you a song, and on it goes. Boys do need attention too, but I find that they’re looking more for affirmation, whereas girls are looking for admiration.
Girls need gentleness. I’m working on this one. It can be so hard to show this when they get in trouble. Specifically, I’m learning to walk the tight line between being gentle and being soft. I still have to be their parent, which requires rules, discipline, and consistency. But with my girls, I have to manage to show them tenderness even when disciplining. I told Emilee once that when she disobeys it makes me sad. She didn’t even realize I had feelings past happy and angry before that.
She’ll likely marry a man like you. I “date” my daughters for this very reason. Whatever poor young man tries taking my girls out for a date one day is going to have huge shoes to fill. Not because I spoil them, but because I treat them like the young women I know they can be one day. If your daughter uses you as a model for finding a husband, what kind of standards will she have?
I can be myself. My girls get to see the real me. My kids know that I work at a church, that God is my boss, I tell people about Jesus, I like Mountain Dew, video games, guitars, sports, and books, I get in trouble at home for saying “stupid,” and that I am helplessly in love with their Mommy. My girls don’t need me to be more feminine (something I can’t be), they need me to be a better man (something I should be).

Blessings,

John

My kids say, “Yes sir”

Posted on July 8, 2011 by johnmarkum

I’ve heard it all…

That’s old fashioned.
You were raised in the South, weren’t you?
Were you in the military or something?
etc…

Recently, Tiffany and I have been cracking down on our girls answering us with a “yes sir” or “yes ma’am” when we call them to come to us or when we tell them to do something. Some think that is kind of outdated, but there has definitely been a notable change. Emilee’s attitude has improved 200% in the last 3 weeks. Kali has been playing nicer with everyone. And the two of them have taken initiative with cleaning their rooms, helping set the table, and much more.

Here’s what we’ve noticed: There is a direct connection between honor and obedience. So when I teach my kids how to honor their parents, somehow they simultaneous learn that honor is more than just giving the right answer when told to do something.

And just in case you were wondering, yes, I do say “yes ma’am” to Tiffany and to our girls. And I say “yes sir” to my 2 year old son. I want my girls to know how to be treated by a boy, and I want my little man to one day be a man of honor. So I speak life into them now.

It’s not a southern culture or a military culture. It’s a culture of honor. And the benefits of teaching our kids about honor are multi-dimensional.

Create a culture of honor and respect in your home. You won’t regret it.

“Give to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.” Romans 13:7

Blessings,

John