John Markum

In Memoriam: Arihant Kanwal

In the first two months of 2025, our church has had to say goodbye to three people. And while each loss has been difficult in its own respective ways, nothing is harder than losing a child. 7-year-old, Ari Kanwal was the center of much prayer, tears, anointing, and pleading to God for deliverance from a terrible disease. Despite a full year of our sincerest prayers, and the best medical decisions his family knew how to make, we had to all say goodbye to him at his memorial on January 11 at our church, Life Valley Community Church of San Jose. Below is a eulogy I wrote for him, with the help of Ari’s mother Chavi. For those who knew him, may God continue to heal our hearts as we carry his memory with us…


In Memoriam: Arihant Kanwal

Arihant Kanwal (“Ari”) was born November 16, 2017 in Mumbai, India, and passed from this life December 27, 2024 in San Francisco, CA. While he was only with us for 7 short years, that time will leave a lasting impact on everyone who had the privilege of knowing him. Born as a twin, Ari spent his life alongside his brother, Rudy. While Rudy took to sleeping in his crib early, Ari would often stay up with mom, laying in her lap as she worked at her computer. These precious moments are one of many examples of the love Ari had for his mother, and he would cuddle her until he could fall asleep.

Ari found academic education exciting and engaging. He became focused, and grounded through learning. He thrived on creativity and academic excellence. He was very structured and meticulous – anything he worked on had to be a very organized, specific way. He enjoyed the praise of teachers, parents, and others for exceling in school. He loved solving large puzzles, building incredible Lego structures, and of course… all things Mario! When Ari went to a chess class for the very first time, he managed to grasp the concepts and intricate movements and strategic patterns of the game within an hour.

As a boy, Ari was very sensitive to conflict or tension. He seemed to be more self-aware than many other kids his age, picking up on emotional stress, even among the adults in his life. And this seemed to make Ari even more sweet, sensitive, and kind at heart. He was affectionate, giving hugs and high-fives, and was always mom’s cuddle-buddy. And, like mom, he loved Bollywood music.

It was Ari and his brother Rudy who brought their mom to church. Meeting Pastor Pat Boyd on our church campus, they came to a Candlelight service, Christmas Eve, 2021. And would later get deeper connected to the church family between Easter of 2022 and the following July. Ari loved the Scriptures, especially the Psalms, learning Bible stories, participating in children’s ministry, Sports Camps, and so much more. He came to know the story of the Gospel, and had believed on Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. We would often get “Connect Cards” from him where he would fill out his own information, and would write out “I love Jesus!” by himself.

Sadly, everything began to change just over a year ago, when, on Christmas Day 2023, we found out that Ari had a serious disease that was threatening his little life. And although many of the medical expertise suggested that Ari might have only a few short months, Ari fought bravely, and stayed with us for another full year. During that final year, so many from the church, school, and medical community rallied around Ari and his family, celebrating milestones, cheering on his strength, and making the best memories we could while hoping and desperately praying for a miracle. Even as the disease progressed, Ari was a gentle and kind boy. At his birthday party at school, even while he was losing much of his vision and mobility, he wanted to personally hand out the gift bags to his friends and classmates, thanking them for their love and kindness toward him on his birthday. He remained a kind, thoughtful, and sensitive young man.

His last year he got to see Legoland, take beach trips, lake trips, camping, and more – making memories with those who loved him. Among the many high points we will carry with us from Ari was when he chose to get baptized this past September 2024. Demonstrating publicly that he knew Who he had believed in. We will forever be grateful for those memories, and so many others.

While we are grieved to say goodbye to him, the world is a better place because we had Ari for the time that we did. Only Heaven knows what his sharp mind and kind heart could have accomplished, had this terrible disease not taken him from us. And yet, our confidence is in the potential that still remains with us, as we honor his memory. We continue to keep his family, church, and school deep in our prayers as we carry the memory of his life, and grief of his passing with us always.

Tis the Season

For depression, that is. While everyone is feeling festive, getting creative with costumes, planning Thanksgiving dinners, and family trips for Christmas, the winter season also extracts a high toll for many people as well.

Daylight Savings just changed, so it’s darker earlier. We remember lost loved ones who you don’t get to celebrate the holidays with us anymore. Another year is ending, and realization sets in that you’re not where you hoped you be this year… again. And while everyone else seems so happy, you can easily be managing that “lonely in a crowd” feeling, while suffering with your pain internally.

Let me offer a few tips to surviving what has been called by many as Seasonal Onset Depression, or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) this holiday season…

  1. Talk to someone! This is number one, because many people struggle alone unnecessarily. And you don’t have to! Chances are, you’re not alone. You don’t need a lot of people, but you need a one or two good ones, who know your pain, and who you can reach out to in a moments notice and know they’ll respond.
  2. Wake up earlier. The sun didn’t go away completely, we just messed our clocks up! If you make it a point to wake up a little earlier than before, you’ll get to see some of the sunlight. And that is really good for your mental health.
  3. Take care of your body. I’ve anticipated this with my own emotional struggles, and I got back into the gym about a month ago. I literally feel like I’m working my depression off even more than I’m working off the extra calories I probably shouldn’t have consumed.
  4. Stay in community. While you need one or two good people to confide in about your struggles, it’s also healthy to go to the company party, family gathering, church event, or whatever other forms of community you might be interested in participating in. It reminds you that you belong to this human race, you’re not alone, and there is good to experience, primarily through other people.
  5. Prayer/Meditation. Part of dealing with your depression is actually dealing with it. Time in prayer and meditation is a fantastic way to confront your struggle directly and process your pain in a productive manner that actually leads to healing.
  6. Don’t be ashamed. You’re not a blight on the season! You’re growing, healing, and communicating through your real struggle. So don’t add unnecessary guilt on top of depression.

Be healthy. Talk to someone, deal with your problems, don’t be ashamed… there’s hope for you! It might not be your fault for feeling this way, but it is your responsibility to take care of yourself through this season. Try to focus on the joys this season. There are a lot of wonderful things to reflect on and experience. Depression doesn’t have to dominate your season.

Blessings,
Pastor John

Good Grief

Good grief

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.
– 1 Thessalonians 4:13

I get weary at nearly every funeral of the counsel people try to give to the family of the deceased. Many well-intentioned friends and relatives quote scriptures about Heaven and say things like “they’re in a better place.” It’s not that these quotes are incorrect, it’s that they are almost universally ill-delivered. I always know it’s grating on the grieving individual when they quietly but consistently respond to each new piece of advice with “I know.”

Translation to the “I know” response? Internally, that person is thinking something like, “Yes, I too have heard, quoted, and memorized every single verse you’re giving me now. I know that I’ll see my Dad/Mom/kid/friend/etc. in Heaven one day, and that right now they are in Jesus’ presence enjoying perfect rest. But I was just having lunch with them a week ago and now they’re gone… I can’t talk to them, laugh with them, or turn to them when I need them anymore. And all of your ‘advice’ feels a lot like you’re telling me to suck it up and get over the fact that my ______ just died and I feel like I’m burying a piece of my soul with them.”

I’ve even heard some suggest that we should not grieve at all for the loss of a loved one because they’re “in God’s hands now” and we’ll see them again.

This may be a revolutionary thought for some, but grief is a good thing.

Jesus grieved at the loss of a friend, Lazarus. Psalm 34 tells us that God is “near to the broken-hearted.” And even the above passage from 1 Thes. encourages us who are in Christ, that “we do not grieve like… those who have no hope.” But we do grieve. And grief is good.

Grief is accepting and acknowledging that we’ve suffered a loss.

It’s giving that loss it’s proper place of honor, and it is also an important piece to the healing process in our own hearts. Not grieving a loved one who’s passed is a lot like getting a serious wound and not treating it – healing is slow, if not unlikely, and infection of the wound is almost guaranteed.

I’ve seen many Christ-followers carry an infected heart because they were taught to “not grieve” and the hurt of losing someone has left them with an aching, wounded soul. They often turn that blame straight to God for taking their loved one instead of properly grieving and leaning on God’s grace for hope and healing.

Grief is also the price we all inevitably pay for love.

Every person you and I love (including ourselves) will one day face death. And the greater the love for that person, the greater the grief. Grieving that person’s loss is acknowledging how loved they were. In an unexpected way, grief is also a sort of celebration that a person was well loved, and greatly missed – even if Heaven is a future hope. It’s healthy to remember that.

So not grieving them is almost like denying that they were loved at all.

There comes a point when we must all move passed the grief, of course – accept a new normal without that loved one in our lives, remember and celebrate the life that we enjoyed with them, live the rest of our days in a way that person would be proud of us, and look expectantly to the day we are all reunited in God’s big family.

Yes, we should encourage people with the promises of God in His word.

But more than anything, a grieving person needs to see us live God’s word out to them in their loss, not just heard quoted at them from a safe distance. Instead of just quoting a verse at them, get close to them. Mourn with them. Be the promise that God gave to those who suffer loss. Be near the broken-hearted. Like Jesus did.

Blessings,
Pastor John

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