marriage – Page 2 – John Markum

Discerning God’s Will: Part 2

Posted on July 30, 2011 by johnmarkum

FINDING GOD’S WILL FOR YOUR LIFE

This is one of the most misunderstood subjects among Christians. We talk about “God’s will for our life” as though it were this big mystical enigma that only a few people get lucky enough to get right while the rest of us flounder around hoping that we end up tripping over some kind of “destiny”. Sadly, many people don’t ever seem to grasp it, and end up spending their lives trying to figure out how to live their life.

They don’t lack for praying any. Many people in this position have prayed and prayed and prayed… hoping that their future would unfold before them with some kind of supernatural certainty and Divine blessing of promised success. And when they don’t get it, they feel lonely, as if God has kind of left them hanging, or has refused to show them anything. So, spiritually speaking, they conclude that the reason for this is because of a personal sin issue. “I’m just not trusting God enough, when I believe in Him enough, then He’ll show me.”And the cycle continues until the person either makes some big decisions for themselves or, often times, walks away from their faith – entirely frustrated.

Any of that sound like things that have happened in your heart or life? Then maybe these questions can help you get traction in discovering and following God’s will for your life:

What is in your hand?: God asked Moses this when He revealed His purpose for Moses life in Exodus 4, and at the time all Moses had was a staff. Nothing fancy, it was basically a good walking stick. But this “walking stick” showed up almost everywhere through the rest of Moses’ life. God used his staff as a means of showing Moses His will. So what is in your hand? What talents, gifts, resources, connections has God given you that He may want to leverage for your good and His glory? Don’t overlook what you think of as “ordinary”; Moses had a stick, for crying out loud!
Who has God put in my life?: Throughout Scripture, we see God calling people into His will together. You were meant to live in community. You are a part of a whole, just like me. we need each other to be all that God has called us to. Who are the people that are unmistakeably placed in your life by God?
What are you doing now?: It’s easy to miss the forest for the trees. There’s a good chance that you’re closer to God’s will than you know, yet you are trying so hard to look far into your future that you didn’t realize that you were standing on it all along. God isn’t waiting to use you “someday,” He desires a purpose for you right here – right now! So how could the things you are doing now fit into God’s design for you?
What is my plan?: Form your dreams and desires into a functioning plan. Leave some flexibility room, because plans do change. But if you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time. What are the steps that need to take place in order for you to get where God is leading you? This is the part where most people quit. Whether it’s due to the fear of asking themselves the tough questions of “how?” or just laziness, many people with all of the potential never get to see it materialize for lack of a plan.
What’s it going to take?: Too many well-intentioned people are stationary for fear of the unknown. At some point, despite the things you are unsure of, you have to begin to make some decisions and acting on those decisions. How much certainty do you need to have before you act? That is a legitimate question. Are you waiting for the finances before you enroll for college? How much of the money do you need to see first before you trust God for the rest? Create if/then decisions and take action. And if you wait for absolute 100% certainty, you’ll never do what God wants for you. Period.

Certainly, more could be said. But I hope this helps you chew over the big questions and that you will refuse to settle for less than God’s best for your life.

Blessings,

John

You know you are mature enough to get married if…

Posted on July 20, 2011 by johnmarkum

You have a job and pay your own bills. Don’t make excuses. Just get a job!
You can put someone else’s needs before your own.
You are honest with yourself regarding the areas you need improvement.
(Guys) You are capable of leading a wife/family in the right direction.
(Ladies) You are humble enough to follow a man’s leadership without being a doormat.
You have a specific, high degree of certainty of what you want to do in life, and a realistic plan on how to get there.
You’re not trying to run from anything by getting married (i.e. your parents, job, ex, etc.)
You realize that you will not do everything perfect and neither will your spouse. In other words, you’re honest about your faults, and forgiving of your spouse’s.
You can communicate your emotions (guys) without being emotional (ladies).
You see compromises on non-moral issues as a win-win, because you got some of what you wanted, and made your better-half happy as well. Everything doesn’t have to be your way.

Church and the subject of “Sex”

Posted on July 10, 2011 by johnmarkum

“Now concerning the matter you wrote to me; it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But since there is so much sexual immorality, every man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” I Corinthians 7:1-2

Earlier today, I taught a group of about 30 single adults on the subject of sex. I make it a point of taking an entire lesson to deal with this subject, with this group, at least yearly. Truthfully, it isn’t talked about nearly enough in most churches.

In a culture that is so bent on the topic of sex in soap operas, sitcoms, commercials, billboards, music (yes, including country), movies, netflix, and the internet, the Church so often is silent on the subject. If it ever does come up, it’s in a youth Sunday school class, where the bottom line is simply “DON’T!” I grew up out of well meaning churches like this. And looking back, the best reason given to me as a teenager to wait til marriage for the privilege of sex was to avoid STD’s.

But is that really it?!? Is that God’s motivation for telling over-hormonally-charged teens and single adults to not engage in sex outside of marriage? Is there nothing else? Couldn’t protection and being “careful” who you sleep around with keep you out that kind of trouble? If so, isn’t God kind of… out-dated, when it comes to sex and relationships?

First of all, yes, God does actually warn about STD’s… seriously, check it out here. But there’s much more. God created sex (Genesis 2:21-25). We, humans, didn’t just discover it one day, to the complete shock and amazement of our Creator. The way some Christians approach the subject, you would think that sex was invented by Hugh Hefner.

Sex is a gift from God that is too beautiful and vulnerable to be fully appreciated outside of the safety of a committed relationship… marriage. And don’t tell me you’re in a committed relationship if you’re single. The only real commitment that a dating couple has to each other is “I’m not going to date anyone else… for now.” Commitment is more than a feeling. It is an action. If you say you are committed to someone, prove it. Marry them! In nearly every incident of premarital sex that has crossed my path I’ve made one of two observations:

Sex before marriage:

Ruins good relationships, or
Prolongs bad relationships.

Additionally, the more a person sleeps around outside of marriage, the more they tend to have a diminished view of their self worth and the more likely they tend to be in making more poor choices regarding their sex life. And in the couples I’ve counseled who have slept together before marriage and ended up getting married still, nearly every couple wishes they had waited.

I know, I know… that sounds hard. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy. And a happy, healthy, long-lasting marriage might be the most worthwhile thing in the world, humanly speaking. So certainly it might require the patience to wait for one of the greatest privileges that come with the safety of marriage. It might be old-fashioned. But even your great-grandparents got some thing right.

God is not a cosmic kill-joy. He simply places a high value on the privilege of sex. I’ve never met a married couple who waited, who told me “I wish we had not waited.” But I know many, many people who would say, “I wish I had.” Don’t be one of them. Make your love life count. You won’t regret it.

Blessings,

John