sex – John Markum

“The VIRGIN Bachelor”

Posted on February 26, 2013 by johnmarkum

That’s what the magazine read on my way through the checkout line at WalMart (yes, WalMart, don’t judge me). Not that I’m racing home to catch Sean Lowe picking through two dozen plus women on national television for The Bachelor, but it’s hard to miss all of the buzz as the season is apparently winding down. The cliff notes of the buzz stirring lately seem to be that Sean, “a devote Christian” has been saving himself for marriage, sexually speaking – something difficult to maintain as a contestant of the show, from what I understand.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that The Bachelor is a suitable show, nor am I advocating getting emotionally (or physically) entangled with multiple people for the sake of millions of viewers’ entertainment. I also am not verifying that this season’s Bachelor is a role-model Christian. I don’t know the guy! However, if he has indeed committed to saving his sexuality for marriage, I certainly support such a commitment.

The rub for me, is that many of the news articles I’ve seen are treating Sean as if he has some disability for being an attractive man in his 20’s that is not sleeping with any number of the potentially willing women on his show. Apparently, now engaged to one of the “contestants,” he still insists on waiting until their wedding to have sex.

I’m tired of the way the media, internet, and movies try to brainwash our culture about our own sexuality. To the point that a man who appears physically healthy is criticized for valuing himself enough to save his sexuality for a commitment (a.k.a. marriage) where it can be freely expressed with a trusted person (a.k.a. his wife). If he isn’t “doing it” there must be a reason, right? Because “normal” people don’t wait until marriage for sex… right?!

Listen up men…

Having sex does not make you a “real man”.
Choosing to delay your own gratification makes you wise, not weird.
Having sex with virtually every willing female does not make you a man – dogs do that.
Real men commit to keeping their God-given sexuality for their wife alone.
Sex before marriage ruins good relationships and prolongs bad ones. I haven’t seen an exception yet.
If you’ve made some mistakes in the past, you can be different from this point forward – your past does not have to define you.

Assuming this season’s Bachelor and his fiance do maintain their sexual boundaries, I am very confident that it will all work out on their wedding night. For all the talk of the need for “sexual compatibility,” our culture forgets that their talking about people, not used cars. I know far more people who slept around that regret it, than those who saved themselves and wished they had not.

Be unique. Save your sex… And find something better than The Bachelor to watch, too! Gees, people…

Blessings,
Pastor John

The Questions You Asked… Part 5

Posted on August 14, 2011 by johnmarkum

Question: “Romans 8:30… predestination?” Answer: Yes. But your question is incomplete. Predestine to what? Verse 30 is based on verse 29 where it says, “whom He foreknew, He predestined…” God’s “election” is based on His foreknowledge of who would receive Christ. Scripture interprets Scripture. John 1:11-12 puts several huge holes in the idea some have that God chose some people to salvation and others for Hell based on anything other than receiving Christ.
Question: “Does Pastor John have ADD?” Answer: Beavers and Ducks. I mean, yes.
Question: “Why does God want us to save sex for marriage?” Answer: Because God created sex, and He knows that the vulnerability that true sexual intimacy requires is only safe in a committed marriage relationship. There is a trust that a couple builds together when they wait that is absolutely irreplaceable when sleeping together before marriage. Sex outside of marriage ruins good relationships and prolongs bad ones. I said more on the subject here.
Question: “In Heaven, are we completely sinless?” Answer: Yes. Revelation 21:27
Question: “What is the ‘Unforgivable Sin’?” Answer: Rejecting the Holy Spirit prompting toward Jesus (Matthew 12:22-32). And it’s only “unforgivable” in the context of John 3:18. At what point has a person hopelessly rejected Christ? I don’t know. Not my place to know. Only my place to speak in His name and draw others to Him (that’s your job too, by the way).
Question: “Would God forgive the most awful repeat sinner?” Answer: He already did… me. That’s how big God is, and how small we are. He can forgive the most vile human being and make them like His Son. “Where sin did abound, grace did much more abound.” Romans 5:20.
Question: “Who is God?” Answer: “God” is the single, all-powerful Being possessing all knowledge and existing outside of time and space. Therefore, all things created are per His authorship, and nothing has ever happened apart from His knowledge and foresight. From His perspective, the future is just as much a matter of fact as the past. As the greatest “thing,” all good is measured by His standard, and all things short of His standard are utterly short and wicked. His standard of perfection can only be compared to His standard of love. The cross of Christ is the perfect example of both. That’s as good as I can do for a reasonable human description of an infinite Creator.
Question: “Where is the love in creating Hell?” Answer: Questions like this are lop-sided. I would counter this with the question, “where is the justice in letting every drunk, pedophiler, adulterer, serial-killer, and white-collar criminal go to Heaven?” The truth is, we can’t have it both ways: a God who forgives our sin, but has no sense of indignation toward it. If God would simply overlook sin without destroying it, then why overlook it? Just let it be! But God is loving and holy. The love you find in a God creating a place like Hell is two-fold: 1) That He loves us enough to destroy all wickedness that separates us from Him, and 2) That He would provide a means of not going there ourselves by trusting in Christ as the payment for our sin.
Question: “Can prayer change God’s mind?” Answer: Good question. If God knows everything past, present, and future per our definition of God in question 7, then technically God already knows everything He is going to do (from His perspective, He already did it). But His motive for why He does what He is going to, is often because His people pray. The Bible is full of examples (2 Cron. 7:14). In other words, God already knows what He is going to do, and why He’s going to do it, because He knows our prayers before we ask them (Matthew 6:8).
Question: “What is grace?” Answer: Grace is God blessing us with something we did not earn. I like the acronym: God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.

The Questions You Asked… Part 2

Posted on August 4, 2011 by johnmarkum

Question: “Are there people in Heaven right now?” Answer: 2 Corinthians 5:8, “We are confident, I say, and willing rather, to be absent from the body and be present with the Lord.”
Question: “Would something artificial (hearts, lungs, etc.) be considered bad?” Answer: The Bible gives us no direction on this. Some argue that “the life of the body is in the blood.” (Leviticus 17:11) and therefore we shouldn’t have a blood transfusion. I don’t find that conclusion in this passage. As far as I am concerned, there are no guiding principles against it, and if I (or any of my family) ever needed an artificial body part in order to live a relatively functioning lifestyle, I would accept it.
Question: “What is the best way to speak to people of other faiths, including atheists?” Answer: In general? Find common ground and love them to Jesus. That is a gross over-simplification, but without dealing with every specific religion individually, that’s the best advice I can give. That, and be sure of what you believe, and why you believe it. Oh and one more thing… decide not to argue with anyone. Most of the arguments we get into drive people away from Christ, and if they just want to argue with you, they’ve already chosen to blind themselves for this conversation at least.
Question: “Are piercings bad?” Answer: Like tattoos, I would say it depends. Why are you getting a piercing? What are you hoping people notice about you or think about you? Can you do it for the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31)?
Question: “What [clothing] is considered too revealing?” Answer: As Pastor Craig and I dealt with this in Elevate this past Sunday, if you’re having to ask that, it might be too revealing! Remember to ask yourself, “who am I trying to impress, and what do I want to impress them with?” If the answer is some aspect of your body, it’s probably inappropriate. Even worse, you will attract guys, but not the one’s you really want to be in a relationship with. If you’re unsure, ask someone you trust like a parent, pastor, pastors wife, etc…
Question: “How far should education be allowed to go with sex-ed, ancient cultures, violence…?” Answer: Excellent question! Personally, I am adamant that this is the role of parents first and foremost. I’m comfortable with schools dealing with issues of anatomy and physiology. But sex-ed is an entirely different subject. If/when my kids are at that age and being directed to a sex-ed class in school, I will withhold them on religious grounds. Even churches need to be cautious about dealing with minors on this subject without parents’ knowledge.
Question: “What if a girl says no to a date?” Answer: Ask a different girl out! Don’t get your feelings hurt. And don’t be desperate.