John Markum

Tag: wait

“The VIRGIN Bachelor”

Posted on by johnmarkum

virgin

That’s what the magazine read on my way through the checkout line at WalMart (yes, WalMart, don’t judge me). Not that I’m racing home to catch Sean Lowe picking through two dozen plus women on national television for The Bachelor, but it’s hard to miss all of the buzz as the season is apparently winding down. The cliff notes of the buzz stirring lately seem to be that Sean, “a devote Christian” has been saving himself for marriage, sexually speaking – something difficult to maintain as a contestant of the show, from what I understand.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that The Bachelor is a suitable show, nor am I advocating getting emotionally (or physically) entangled with multiple people for the sake of millions of viewers’ entertainment. I also am not verifying that this season’s Bachelor is a role-model Christian. I don’t know the guy! However, if he has indeed committed to saving his sexuality for marriage, I certainly support such a commitment.

The rub for me, is that many of the news articles I’ve seen are treating Sean as if he has some disability for being an attractive man in his 20’s that is not sleeping with any number of the potentially willing women on his show. Apparently, now engaged to one of the “contestants,” he still insists on waiting until their wedding to have sex.

I’m tired of the way the media, internet, and movies try to brainwash our culture about our own sexuality. To the point that a man who appears physically healthy is criticized for valuing himself enough to save his sexuality for a commitment (a.k.a. marriage) where it can be freely expressed with a trusted person (a.k.a. his wife). If he isn’t “doing it” there must be a reason, right? Because “normal” people don’t wait until marriage for sex… right?!

Listen up men…

  • Having sex does not make you a “real man”.
  • Choosing to delay your own gratification makes you wise, not weird.
  • Having sex with virtually every willing female does not make you a man – dogs do that.
  • Real men commit to keeping their God-given sexuality for their wife alone.
  • Sex before marriage ruins good relationships and prolongs bad ones. I haven’t seen an exception yet.
  • If you’ve made some mistakes in the past, you can be different from this point forward – your past does not have to define you.

Assuming this season’s Bachelor and his fiance do maintain their sexual boundaries, I am very confident that it will all work out on their wedding night. For all the talk of the need for “sexual compatibility,” our culture forgets that their talking about people, not used cars. I know far more people who slept around that regret it, than those who saved themselves and wished they had not.

Be unique. Save your sex… And find something better than The Bachelor to watch, too! Gees, people…

Blessings,
Pastor John

Church and the subject of “Sex”

Posted on by johnmarkum

“Now concerning the matter you wrote to me; it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But since there is so much sexual immorality,  every man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” I Corinthians 7:1-2

Earlier today, I taught a group of about 30 single adults on the subject of sex. I make it a point of taking an entire lesson to deal with this subject, with this group, at least yearly. Truthfully, it isn’t talked about nearly enough in most churches.

In a culture that is so bent on the topic of sex in soap operas, sitcoms, commercials, billboards, music (yes, including country), movies, netflix, and the internet, the Church so often is silent on the subject. If it ever does come up, it’s in a youth Sunday school class, where the bottom line is simply “DON’T!” I grew up out of well meaning churches like this. And looking back, the best reason given to me as a teenager to wait til marriage for the privilege of sex was to avoid STD’s.

But is that really it?!? Is that God’s motivation for telling over-hormonally-charged teens and single adults to not engage in sex outside of marriage? Is there nothing else? Couldn’t protection and being “careful” who you sleep around with keep you out that kind of trouble? If so, isn’t God kind of… out-dated, when it comes to sex and relationships?

First of all, yes, God does actually warn about STD’s… seriously, check it out here. But there’s much more. God created sex (Genesis 2:21-25). We, humans, didn’t just discover it one day, to the complete shock and amazement of our Creator. The way some Christians approach the subject, you would think that sex was invented by Hugh Hefner.

Sex is a gift from God that is too beautiful and vulnerable to be fully appreciated outside of the safety of a committed relationship… marriage. And don’t tell me you’re in a committed relationship if you’re single. The only real commitment that a dating couple has to each other is “I’m not going to date anyone else… for now.” Commitment is more than a feeling. It is an action. If you say you are committed to someone, prove it. Marry them! In nearly every incident of premarital sex that has crossed my path I’ve made one of two observations:

Sex before marriage:

  1. Ruins good relationships, or
  2. Prolongs bad relationships.

Additionally, the more a person sleeps around outside of marriage, the more they tend to have a diminished view of their self worth and the more likely they tend to be in making more poor choices regarding their sex life. And in the couples I’ve counseled who have slept together before marriage and ended up getting married still, nearly every couple wishes they had waited.

I know, I know… that sounds hard. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy. And a happy, healthy, long-lasting marriage might be the most worthwhile thing in the world, humanly speaking. So certainly it might require the patience to wait for one of the greatest privileges that come with the safety of marriage. It might be old-fashioned. But even your great-grandparents got some thing right.

God is not a cosmic kill-joy. He simply places a high value on the privilege of sex. I’ve never met a married couple who waited, who told me “I wish we had not waited.” But I know many, many people who would say, “I wish I had.” Don’t be one of them. Make your love life count. You won’t regret it.

Blessings,

John

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