I shared this on Facebook about a month before I started this blog, and it seemed appropriate to share it with our blog viewers. It is a little lengthy, but I believe the message of this post needs to be embraced by Christ-followers everywhere.
- Your sin is my business. We’d rather not believe that, myself included. I would prefer that when I’m messing up, you didn’t have a right to call me out on it. But you do. And so do I. Hebrews 3:12-13 says, “See to it, brothers and sister, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart, that forsakes the living God. But edify one another each day, as long as it is called ‘today’ that none of you may become hardened by sin’s deception.” It’s not saying that each of us should make sure that we individually are following Christ. The grammar in this passage makes it clear that each of us are to see to it that as a family of believers we are not giving into a sinful attitude or behavior. Not for the purpose of being spiritual police, but to “edify.” That word literally means “to build up”. Which brings me to…
- Build up, don’t tear down. Christ was the best example of this. He could point out a woman’s fault who had been living in sin after 5 failed marriages and yet not make her feel condemned. When I try to call someone out on their attitude or behavior that is not glorifying to God, my motive needs to be to build them up and call them out into their potential, not beat them down, or to make myself feel “superior” because I don’t struggle with their particular issue. Even when confronting the woman caught in adultery Christ says, “Your sins are forgiven. Go and sin no more.” (John 8:11). He didn’t tell her that it was “ok” that she had an inappropriate relationship with another man. He didn’t coddle her. But he didn’t rub her face in it either. He forgave her, and called her out to her potential. We must not attack each other! We’re on the same team!
- Don’t be a fool. Hey, the Bible said it, not me! Proverbs 12:15, “A fool is right in his own eyes; but the wise receive counsel.” There’s no room for pride and defensiveness. This is counter intuitive to our nature, because we like to be right and we don’t like being told otherwise. But the Bible says that if we can’t receive instruction or correction from another, we’re a fool. It says later on in Proverbs that if you “Correct a fool and he will hate you; correct a wise man and he will be yet wiser.” This honestly is one of the most obvious marks of a maturing Christ-follower to me. Because I understand how difficult it is to be called out. But if we call people out to build up and not tear down, it is more likely that people will not respond with pride and defensiveness.
- Deal with the person. Matthew 18 Christ tells us how to call someone out who wrongs us. We go to that person 1-on-1. If they listen, GREAT! Forgive them and let it be. If not, then get 1 or 2 others to help you confront the person. If it’s serious and they still will not listen it goes all the way up to the church leadership to settle the matter. But other people are only brought into it as they are needed to correct the situation. Whenever you or I tell others about what “so-n-so” said or did, and they are not part of resolving it, it’s gossip. Period. You want someone to agree with you so that you feel better. The end result is always more people get torn down and fewer people get built up, or “edified.” This explains broken relationships across thousands of churches. Because of that, if you’re NOT part of the solution…
- Stay out of it. Refuse to listen to someone tear someone else down. Don’t even give a gossiper an audience! And DO NOT continue to spread the virus by giving third-hand slander to someone else. I’m sick of all the facebook vendettas I see. And “not giving the name” doesn’t make it better. We all know who you’re takling about and you’ld probably tell us anyway if we texted you. What could have been fixed by one sincere conversation, is now on the world-wide web for the world to see Christ-followers act like they know nothing about real love and forgiveness. Shame on us. Forgiven people, forgive people. Chist said, “By your love for one another, the world will know that you are my followers.” If the world cares nothing for the church, it could be because we’re too busy gossiping, and tearing one another down instead of calling each other out on our sin and building one another up into the potential God placed in us.
- Speak the Truth with Grace. John 1:14 tells us our Savior came from the Father, “Full of grace and truth.” If we’re just full of grace with no truth, then we’re cowards, too afraid to deal with the real issues at hand. If we’re full of truth but not grace, then we’re spiritual bullies, who may be right, but no one wants to listen to us. The truth without grace is too hard, while grace without truth is too soft. Be like Jesus and speak the truth, but do it with the grace that He modeled.
- Consider the source. Let’s be honest… Some people are going to try to criticize you over everything, whether you are truly wrong on something or not. Some people are only going to see when you mess up and they’ll never miss a chance to call you out on it. You should listen and take away whatever is worth learning from the situation. But different people’s opinion matter differently to me. So I choose to take my criticism from the people who love me. Just realize that when someone criticizes you, it might be because they care about you.
Blessings,
John