John Markum

Dealing with Conflict

I shared this on Facebook about a month before I started this blog, and it seemed appropriate to share it with our blog viewers. It is a little lengthy, but I believe the message of this post needs to be embraced by Christ-followers everywhere.

  1.  Your sin is my business. We’d rather not believe that, myself included. I would prefer that when I’m messing up, you didn’t have a right to call me out on it. But you do. And so do I. Hebrews 3:12-13 says, “See to it, brothers and sister, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart, that forsakes the living God. But edify one another each day, as long as it is called ‘today’ that none of you may become hardened by sin’s deception.” It’s not saying that each of us should make sure that we individually are following Christ. The grammar in this passage makes it clear that each of us are to see to it that as a family of believers we are not giving into a sinful attitude or behavior. Not for the purpose of being spiritual police, but to “edify.” That word literally means “to build up”. Which brings me to…
  2. Build up, don’t tear down. Christ was the best example of this. He could point out a woman’s fault who had been living in sin after 5 failed marriages and yet not make her feel condemned. When I try to call someone out on their attitude or behavior that is not glorifying to God, my motive needs to be to build them up and call them out into their potential, not beat them down, or to make myself feel “superior” because I don’t struggle with their particular issue. Even when confronting the woman caught in adultery Christ says, “Your sins are forgiven. Go and sin no more.” (John 8:11). He didn’t tell her that it was “ok” that she had an inappropriate relationship with another man. He didn’t coddle her. But he didn’t rub her face in it either. He forgave her, and called her out to her potential. We must not attack each other! We’re on the same team!
  3. Don’t be a fool. Hey, the Bible said it, not me! Proverbs 12:15, “A fool is right in his own eyes; but the wise receive counsel.” There’s no room for pride and defensiveness. This is counter intuitive to our nature, because we like to be right and we don’t like being told otherwise. But the Bible says that if we can’t receive instruction or correction from another, we’re a fool. It says later on in Proverbs that if you “Correct a fool and he will hate you; correct a wise man and he will be yet wiser.” This honestly is one of the most obvious marks of a maturing Christ-follower to me. Because I understand how difficult it is to be called out. But if we call people out to build up and not tear down, it is more likely that people will not respond with pride and defensiveness.
  4. Deal with the person. Matthew 18 Christ tells us how to call someone out who wrongs us. We go to that person 1-on-1. If they listen, GREAT! Forgive them and let it be. If not, then get 1 or 2 others to help you confront the person. If it’s serious and they still will not listen it goes all the way up to the church leadership to settle the matter. But other people are only brought into it as they are needed to correct the situation. Whenever you or I tell others about what “so-n-so” said or did, and they are not part of resolving it, it’s gossip. Period. You want someone to agree with you so that you feel better. The end result is always more people get torn down and fewer people get built up, or “edified.” This explains broken relationships across thousands of churches. Because of that, if you’re NOT part of the solution…
  5. Stay out of it. Refuse to listen to someone tear someone else down. Don’t even give a gossiper an audience! And DO NOT continue to spread the virus by giving third-hand slander to someone else. I’m sick of all the facebook vendettas I see. And “not giving the name” doesn’t make it better. We all know who you’re takling about and you’ld probably tell us anyway if we texted you. What could have been fixed by one sincere conversation, is now on the world-wide web for the world to see Christ-followers act like they know nothing about real love and forgiveness. Shame on us. Forgiven people, forgive people. Chist said, “By your love for one another, the world will know that you are my followers.” If the world cares nothing for the church, it could be because we’re too busy gossiping, and tearing one another down instead of calling each other out on our sin and building one another up into the potential God placed in us.
  6. Speak the Truth with Grace. John 1:14 tells us our Savior came from the Father, “Full of grace and truth.” If we’re just full of grace with no truth, then we’re cowards, too afraid to deal with the real issues at hand. If we’re full of truth but not grace, then we’re spiritual bullies, who may be right, but no one wants to listen to us. The truth without grace is too hard, while grace without truth is too soft. Be like Jesus and speak the truth, but do it with the grace that He modeled.
  7. Consider the source. Let’s be honest… Some people are going to try to criticize you over everything, whether you are truly wrong on something or not. Some people are only going to see when you mess up and they’ll never miss a chance to call you out on it. You should listen and take away whatever is worth learning from the situation. But different people’s opinion matter differently to me. So I choose to take my criticism from the people who love me. Just realize that when someone criticizes you, it might be because they care about you.

Blessings,

John

The Questions You Asked… Part 6

  1. Question: “What did Jesus do for the 3 days He was buried?” Answer: From what He said to the thief on the cross, He was in “paradise,” often referred to in the Bible as “Abraham’s bosom.” It was kind of like the waiting room of Heaven. A reference in Acts leads some to believe that He went to Hell. While I think that could be possible, He was not suffering there, because our salvation was already paid for on the cross when Jesus said, “It is finished.” So that’s more speculation than a solid answer, but I hope it helped.
  2. Question: “Is a person saved who accepts Jesus, but shows no remorse?” Answer: Tough question because it’s a blanket assumption. I know that faith and repentance are hand-in-hand when it comes to salvation. But that looks different from person to person. I do believe that a repentant heart is always a fruit of true faith. Without humility, no one comes to Christ.
  3. Question: “What is the church position on karma?” Answer: The Bible calls it the law of “sowing and reaping” (Galatians 6:7-10). Our good will ultimately be rewarded, while we can also be sure “your sin will find you out.”
  4. Question: “Could the American government be considered evil?” Answer: It’s being run by politicians. Yes, it’s evil. As best as we can, as long as our conscience before God allows us, we should submit to and obey the authority over us, because God is the only one possessing the true authority anyway. But while I pray for the peace and prosperity of our nation, Jesus is the only “change we can believe in.” In God we trust, all others are prone to corruption. I love our country! But we should always be vigilant concerning those in power.
  5. Question: “What do Satanic churches do?” Answer: Worship Satan. Take pleasure in being rebellious. Commit acts of wickedness out of a shear desire to mock God. That’s about all I know. Technically the term “Satanic church” is a contradiction.
  6. Question: “Can a homosexual person go to Heaven?” Answer: Can an heterosexual go to Heaven? The only way that any of us will ever see Heaven is because we have been changed by Jesus. Someone who struggles with homosexuality can be saved in Christ. Will they continue to struggle with these urges after accepting Christ? More than likely. Just like straight people still struggle with their inappropriate heterosexual urges. We are saved through faith, not by works, and yet our deeds are a reflection of the true change God has made in our lives.
  7. Question: “Can stealing ever be justified?” Answer: Legitimately? Depends… what are we stealing? Cash from a bank? Diamonds? Food? I suppose few would blame a thief who steal to eat. Bit is it still stealing? Yes.  This question is kind of like saying “Are white lies ok?” If something appears to be more gray than black-and-white, it’s usually more black than gray.

The Questions You Asked… Part 5

  1. Question:Romans 8:30… predestination?” Answer: Yes. But your question is incomplete. Predestine to what? Verse 30 is based on verse 29 where it says, “whom He foreknew, He predestined…” God’s “election” is based on His foreknowledge of who would receive Christ. Scripture interprets Scripture. John 1:11-12 puts several huge holes in the idea some have that God chose some people to salvation and others for Hell based on anything other than receiving Christ.
  2. Question: “Does Pastor John have ADD?” Answer: Beavers and Ducks. I mean, yes.
  3. Question: “Why does God want us to save sex for marriage?” Answer: Because God created sex, and He knows that the vulnerability that true sexual intimacy requires is only safe in a committed marriage relationship. There is a trust that a couple builds together when they wait that is absolutely irreplaceable when sleeping together before marriage. Sex outside of marriage ruins good relationships and prolongs bad ones. I said more on the subject here.
  4. Question: “In Heaven, are we completely sinless?” Answer: Yes. Revelation 21:27
  5. Question: “What is the ‘Unforgivable Sin’?” Answer: Rejecting the Holy Spirit prompting toward Jesus (Matthew 12:22-32). And it’s only “unforgivable” in the context of John 3:18. At what point has a person hopelessly rejected Christ? I don’t know. Not my place to know. Only my place to speak in His name and draw others to Him (that’s your job too, by the way).
  6. Question: “Would God forgive the most awful repeat sinner?” Answer: He already did… me. That’s how big God is, and how small we are. He can forgive the most vile human being and make them like His Son. “Where sin did abound, grace did much more abound.” Romans 5:20.
  7. Question: “Who is God?” Answer: “God” is the single, all-powerful Being possessing all knowledge and existing outside of time and space. Therefore, all things created are per His authorship, and nothing has ever happened apart from His knowledge and foresight. From His perspective, the future is just as much a matter of fact as the past. As the greatest “thing,” all good is measured by His standard, and all things short of His standard are utterly short and wicked. His standard of perfection can only be compared to His standard of love. The cross of Christ is the perfect example of both. That’s as good as I can do for a reasonable human description of an infinite Creator.
  8. Question: “Where is the love in creating Hell?” Answer: Questions like this are lop-sided. I would counter this with the question, “where is the justice in letting every drunk, pedophiler, adulterer, serial-killer, and white-collar criminal go to Heaven?” The truth is, we can’t have it both ways: a God who forgives our sin, but has no sense of indignation toward it. If God would simply overlook sin without destroying it, then why overlook it? Just let it be!  But God is loving and holy. The love you find in a God creating a place like Hell is two-fold: 1) That He loves us enough to destroy all wickedness that separates us from Him, and 2) That He would provide a means of not going there ourselves by trusting in Christ as the payment for our sin.
  9. Question: “Can prayer change God’s mind?” Answer: Good question. If God knows everything past, present, and future per our definition of God in question 7, then technically God already knows everything He is going to do (from His perspective, He already did it). But His motive for why He does what He is going to, is often because His people pray. The Bible is full of examples (2 Cron. 7:14). In other words, God already knows what He is going to do, and why He’s going to do it, because He knows our prayers before we ask them (Matthew 6:8).
  10. Question: “What is grace?” Answer: Grace is God blessing us with something we did not earn. I like the acronym: God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.

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