dating – John Markum

Single Ladies’ Checklist

Posted on October 17, 2011 by johnmarkum

EVERY unmarried girl I’ve ever know has had “the list”: a detailed description of what her ideal man would be like. Some of the things on the list are non-negotiables while some of them are more “wants” than requirements. Regardless of who you are, here are a few things that should make the list of all the single ladies (I couldn’t resist):

Loves Jesus more than you. If he does, you should feel more secure, not less. He answers to a higher authority than you regarding your relationship.
Respects his parents. He will bring several parts from this relationship into your marriage… just like you will.
Has a J-O-B. A real man takes care of himself and his family. No excuses. If he would rather have no job over washing dishes, RUN! Also be very leery of a guy that quits one job before he has another.
Treats all women with respect. Young, old, attractive, less attractive, funny, boring, whatever… Treating women with respect without any thought of what he can get out of his kindness, tells me that chivalry is part of his values, not simply his behavior on a first date.
Physically patient. If he gets pushy for the first kiss, leave him. Period. What else will he try pressuring you into? If he cannot delay gratification in the small things, it’s unlikely that he will on the bigger, more obvious things later. There’s a word for this guy: selfish. And he’s more interested in what he can get than in what you need.
Self-secure. Confidence is extremely attractive. Few people want to be with someone that is always down on themselves. And a man definitely requires a certain amount of security in himself, and your relationship, if he is going to be any kind of leader. If he constantly questions you on where you’re going, who you’re with, etc. then maybe you need to sit down and talk about the root of these insecurities. If it can’t be resolved, you may need to move on. Insecurity can escalate dangerously if not put into check.
Not Conceited. While you want a man that is self secure, you do not want a man who thinks he’s “all that.” If he loves himself more than you, chances are, he’ll end up being the only one with such a high opinion of himself.
Compatibility. Specifically in the areas of family expectations, life direction, and values. If he intends on living on the west coast and you’re from Virginia, you may have to decide whether you’re willing to live so far from your family. Also, are you willing to be married to a guy who does __________ for a living? Or did you always dream of marrying a guy that did something else? How much of those things are you willing to let go of or adapt?

Blessings,

John

The Questions You Asked… Part 3

Posted on August 6, 2011 by johnmarkum

Question: “Is it ok to ask out a girl who has a boyfriend?” Answer: I don’t have a Bible verse to go with this really… But here’s how I would see it: If she did say yes, and becomes your girlfriend, how much confidence do you have that she won’t leave you when the next guy asks her out? I don’t have a clear right/wrong answer on this, but most things that are “gray” are usually more black than white. Tread carefully…
Question: “Since Adam and Eve were the first humans, where did their sons’ wives come from?” Answer: Don’t be too grossed out, but… their sisters. God allowed it in the beginning for the propagation of the race. Hey! Facts aren’t always fun. Just be glad that you have more options now…
Question: “Does God hear the prayers of unbelievers?” Answer: God hears every prayer. The real question is, does He answer? As far as I’m concerned, I’m not entirely sure, though in general, I would elan toward “no.” I answer the needs/desires of my kids, but not usually those of the neighbor’s kid… One prayer is sure that God will listen to: Faith in Christ/Repentance of sin.
Question: “How can I know what my spiritual gift is?” Answer: By refusing to sit still hoping God will speak it to you in a dream or special revelation. I was not a great communicator when I surrender to full time ministry in 8th grade (You should have heard my first message… on second thought, no you shouldn’t!). When you open yourself up to letting God use you, instead of waiting for “something” to happen to you, God shows His will. Faith requires action. Your gifts will always be in the capacity of helping other people grow closer to God. And there are thousands of ways this could look for you. I made a post here on finding God’s will for your life. Hope that helps.
Question: “What does it really mean to have a walk/relationship with Jesus Christ?” Answer: When you stop asking “What can I get away with?” and start asking “How can I be like Jesus?” you’re getting close. The evidence can be found in how you treat others. I think I’ll give this more attention with it’s own blog post. Thanks for asking a great question that we all need to answer for ourselves!
Question: “What does it mean when a Christian ‘accepts Christ,’ gets baptized, does most of the right stuff, but they never give or serve anywhere? Are they really saved?” Answer: “Faith without works is dead.” What you believe is evidenced by what you do. But I don’t know if anyone is saved… except for me. I don’t know people’s hearts. I can only observe their outward behavior as indicators as to whats inside. In this case, I would suggest that you expand your idea of how gracious God is with His own children. Maybe this person just hasn’t matured to that point yet. If Christ has given them new life, they’ll get there. If they are not saved, then our response is still the same: Love them to Jesus! Let Him change them! I can’t change anyone… neither can you.
Question: “Did dragons/dinosaurs exist after the flood?” Answer: My thought? Yeah… they did. Maybe still do. Several “pre-historic” species (such as certain fish) were believed to long since evolved or died off that have been caught in the wild still. Job, in the Bible, refers to two creatures –Leviathon and Behemoth– that existed post-flood and sound dinosaur-esque. Some have tried to label these two creatures as a hippo/elephant and an alligator. But that just doesn’t fit. They sound like a dinosaur/dragon of some kind. And there is plenty of scientific theory to lend support as to how this may have been possible.

My advice for single people (Steven Furtick)

Posted on February 21, 2011 by johnmarkum

This is a re-post from pastor and author, Steven Furtick. It was so good and timely to singles today, that I had to share it with you. You can follow his blog at stevenfurtick.com

There’s a lot of advice I could give to single and dating people.

How to be content in this season you’re in.
The kind of person you should be looking to marry.
Boundaries for when you’re dating.

All of those are good and necessary. But there’s something that most Christians completely miss that’s an essential principle for optimal relationships and marriages. If you don’t get this, it doesn’t matter who you date because it will be a fraction of the relationship God meant for you. And your marriage to them will be too.

Happiness is not finding the right person. It’s being the right person.

I’ve seen countless Christians sabotage their marriages not because they married the wrong person but because when they got married they weren’t the right person for the other person. Not in their chemistry, but in their character.

If two half people get together and they’re not complete in Christ, they don’t make a whole person. They subtract from each other rather than adding to each other and they become more miserable.

There’s only one half you’re responsible for right now. And that’s your half.

Stop looking for the person of your dreams and start becoming someone another person is dreaming about. Make someone else’s dreams become a reality.

A lot of single people make lists of what they want in the person they’re looking for. That’s fine. Just make sure that if the person you’re looking for had the same list, they’d find you.

You may be waiting in this season of your life for God to bring the right person.
Or you may be wondering if the person you’re dating is the right person.

He will do it.
He will reveal it.

In the meantime, be what you’re looking for.