love – Page 3 – John Markum

How I Fell in Love

Posted on June 21, 2011 by johnmarkum

Exactly 8 years ago this week, I met the woman I would fall in love with at a Christian youth camp. She was working one week there as a counselor, and I was working with a church planter who was connected with this particular camp. When Tiff and I found each other, she was just coming out of a long term relationship. While I had no recent long term relationships to speak of, I had been doing a lot of dating around. I wasn’t dating out of desperation. I was just on a quest: to find a woman I could commit to loving my whole life. Oh yeah… and one that could commit to loving me back.

The moment I met eyes with Tiffany, we both immediately noticed each other. Now, I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe in infatuation and obsession at first sight. But real love is selfless, and sacrificial. Can’t really have that level of love at one glance. But there was definitely something there.

Our first date, was with a group at John’s Pass in St. Petersburg, FL, her hometown. We all caught a movie that night. Now… It would NOT be justice if I did not take a second to give a shout-out to the indisputably best female wing-man a guy could ever ask for: Shela Roles. There were 6 of us total that night. We got into the nearly-packed movie theater and immediately spotted 4 seats next to each other, and 2 more seats next to each other about 5 rows back. Shela jumps in and immediately suggests that the other 4 of them take the 4 seats and that Tiffany and I take the 2 seats behind them. Oh the movie? Yeah it was very romantic… “28 Days Later.” A British horror movie. Not sure I would recommend it. Unless of course you’re on a first date and want to give a girl a good reason to hold onto your arm for most of the movie. Personally? Worth it! I ended that night with her number and couldn’t wait to call her back.

Our second date was where we really connected. We spent the whole day together. I met her family (who like me more now than they did then), ate at the restaurant where she waited tables, and ended the night with a walk on the beach. We were 2 young adult, Christ-followers, both planning on serving in full time ministry. And we didn’t want to get too physical too soon. So we “decided” we weren’t going to kiss yet. We just got that out in the open so there wouldn’t be any awkwardness. And we did really good… until we got to the beach that night.

On the most beautiful starlit night on the shores of Madeira beach, with a perfect full moon, we stood nose to nose trying really hard not to kiss. At least an hour later, our lips finally met. It was the best first kiss in the world! Fairy tales were written about it afterward. And while we broke our promise to not kiss on our second date, looking back, it’s part of what makes us “us” now.

Almost exactly one year later we would kiss again in St. Petersburg, but this time at the altar in the church she grew up in, by the pastor who was her youth pastor growing up, and the pastor who started a church, who I happened to work for the previous summer when I fell in love.

On Sunday, we celebrate 7 years of marriage. Best 7 years of my life. I can’t wait for 70 more! I love you, Beautiful!

John

The Worthwhile Marriage

Posted on May 20, 2011 by johnmarkum

Beth and Randy Ritter are the epitome of a worthwhile marriage to Tiffany and me. They were in their 70’s when Tiff and I knew them, and had been married for over 50 years. Every Sunday they would walk from the church parking lot into the building holding hands, smiling, making eyes at each other, and giggling like a couple of 18 year-old’s on their first date. They had raised kids together, moved around the country, and were the embodiment of self-sacrificial love. I learned more about a worthwhile marriage from watching the two of them for 3 years than in an entire marriage seminar. I doubt they even realized they had an impact on my marriage, but they did.

If nothing worthwhile is ever easy, marriage is definitely an example worth noting: It is both worthwhile and difficult. And I’m not saying that because my marriage is struggling. I’m saying that because my marriage takes work, like every marriage that counts.

This is the reason why no pastor at Edgewood would ever perform a wedding for someone that had not first gone through a series of pre-marriage counseling sessions. Each of us do a few things different but the overall message is the same with all of us: a wothwhile marriage takes work. Too many couples spend way more time and money on one day, the wedding, but then expect the rest of their marriage to be simple, effortless bliss. The average cost of a wedding is just over $24,000! That’s more money than I made per year in my first job out of college. But for all the fuss, and preparation, and money, and stress, very few actually expect to have to work at their marriage.

It kills me when I hear other couples say things like “I wish we had a marriage like Mr./Mrs. So-n-so!” Well then do the things that Mr. and Mrs. So-n-so are doing! Mr. and Mrs. So-n-so would tell you that they make time for each other, they work through their disagreements, they put the desires and needs of the other above their own, and they still have dates. And if you have kids, then you have to double your efforts. Because having kids raises the stress level in your marriage and decreases you motivation to want to do anything for anyone else.

And older couples are in just as much need to do something difficult in their marriage. The divorce statistics of couples who have been married for 15+ years is alarming. I’ve lost track of the couples I’ve heard of that had a great marriage at one point, and a few years after the kids leave home, they split too.

If you want a good marriage, you’ve got to do the things that create a good marriage. As a man who married way out of his league, I can tell you from firsthand experience that it pays off to put hard work into your marriage. We celebrate 7 years this June, and it seems unreal that we’ll be having our fourth (and final!) child this August. Some days it feel like we’re running an asylum trying to keep up with the needs of a home, 3 kids, a growing ministry, and each other. But Tiffany is my best friend and partner in all of these areas of my life and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Whether you and your better-half are newly weds, veterans, engaged, or you’re as single as a $1 bill, your marriage (or future marriage) will depend on your willingness to do what is worthwhile versus what is convenient.

Have a long, healthy, worthwhile marriage!

Blessings,

John

10 Reasons I love Edgewood:

Posted on May 11, 2011 by johnmarkum

Every generation is passionate about reaching the next generation. I’m reminded of this every week, by the older generations that speak life into me here.
My pastor (Pastor Brown) is a leader worth following. He sets the bar high for my generation of pastors, and he genuinely loves his church and staff.
Saturday nights at Edgewood (The Awakening) are intense! I love the worship, and all the new people making Edgewood their church home on Saturdays.
The youth of Edgewood are amazing! I make it a point to get to know these people since they are one day going to be in our college ministry. If they have anything to say about it, their generation is not a lost cause.
The legacy of a 100+ year old church. A heritage is about preserving what you have. A legacy is about building from your past.
Lay Leaders. Nothing is more inspiring to me, than the hundreds of people who don’t get paid for it, but pour their heart and soul into the work that God is doing at Edgewood. Whether it’s leading worship, greeting, working with the children, or serving “behind-the scenes,” each of you are living the gospel.
Ignite Singles. What started off as 9 willing and able individuals, now consists of 50+ people passionately becoming more like Jesus and reaching their world for Christ. You are the reason Tiff and I came to Edgewood in the first place. We love all of you!
The staff. Our diversity in ages, backgrounds, personalities, and perspectives makes us a well rounded team. I’ve grown so much as a pastor and leader by working alongside these men and women.
My kids LOVE IT here! Our children’s workers are first class, and Sheila Kuriscak does an amazing job leading them!
I get to see God move powerfully every week through our people. That alone, makes every tough day seem minor. Watching people respond to the leading of God = priceless.