man – Page 2 – John Markum

The High 5 for Hubands

Posted on July 24, 2011 by johnmarkum

“Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her… for a man who shows love for his wife, actually loves himself.” Ephesians 5 :25,28

The idea of the husband “loving” his wife here in Ephesians 5, is the idea “to cherish.” In other words, to make safe; worth protecting; to treat as precious. This means that she can allow herself to be vulnerable because she is safe with you.

Husbands, if you want a happy marriage, you must make your wife feel cherished in the following 5 areas. Wives, don’t be afraid to point your man to this post:

Physically: This one’s simple. Bottom line, she doesn’t have to be afraid that you’ll physically hurt her. This also includes providing a safe home, keeping “bad guys” away from your family, and getting up to chase odd “noises” out of the house at all hours of the night.
Emotionally: This is most often displayed best during a disagreement by what you say and don’t say, and how you say it. If you resort to verbally attacking your wife during an argument, she will not feel emotionally safe around you. But if you can find a way to speak life into her even though you’re upset, then you can actually gain from an argument, instead of simply enduring it.
Financially: Dude, you don’t have to make all the money in the house (although you could…). You don’t even have to make most of the money. Honestly, if you’re wife is some mega-millionaire author, I don’t even care if you work outside the home at all. But you are still responsible for making sure the financial needs of your family are met. You don’t have to make excessive amounts of revenue, but you must make her feel safe, financially.
Sexually: Sex is more than a physical interaction between a husband and wife. It is emotional and, I believe, even spiritual. Many women feel the most vulnerable in this area, and her husband must make her feel loved, cherished, precious, and worth protecting. Men, be very careful about criticizing your wife’s body or giving her a litany of the things about her physically that you wish were different. Choose to see her as the most beautiful women in your world. True love isn’t blind. It just wears blinders.
Spiritually: In too many homes, the wife is the one nagging everyone on the weekend to get ready for church. I’m just going to say it: Husbands, stand up and be a man. Take leadership in your home. YOU be the agent of spiritual growth for your family. Don’t make your wife have to take those reigns. Pray with your wife. Talk to her about spiritual things. If she knows more than you, it’s ok. Ask her questions. Initiate spiritual leadership in your home.

All these things are intertwined. They are connected and one affects another. This may seem like an over-simplification of how a husband should treat his wife, but if every husband (myself included) became masters at loving their wives in these 5 ways, we would all likely have better marriages.

Blessings,

John

You know you are mature enough to get married if…

Posted on July 20, 2011 by johnmarkum

You have a job and pay your own bills. Don’t make excuses. Just get a job!
You can put someone else’s needs before your own.
You are honest with yourself regarding the areas you need improvement.
(Guys) You are capable of leading a wife/family in the right direction.
(Ladies) You are humble enough to follow a man’s leadership without being a doormat.
You have a specific, high degree of certainty of what you want to do in life, and a realistic plan on how to get there.
You’re not trying to run from anything by getting married (i.e. your parents, job, ex, etc.)
You realize that you will not do everything perfect and neither will your spouse. In other words, you’re honest about your faults, and forgiving of your spouse’s.
You can communicate your emotions (guys) without being emotional (ladies).
You see compromises on non-moral issues as a win-win, because you got some of what you wanted, and made your better-half happy as well. Everything doesn’t have to be your way.

Church and the subject of “Sex”

Posted on July 10, 2011 by johnmarkum

“Now concerning the matter you wrote to me; it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But since there is so much sexual immorality, every man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” I Corinthians 7:1-2

Earlier today, I taught a group of about 30 single adults on the subject of sex. I make it a point of taking an entire lesson to deal with this subject, with this group, at least yearly. Truthfully, it isn’t talked about nearly enough in most churches.

In a culture that is so bent on the topic of sex in soap operas, sitcoms, commercials, billboards, music (yes, including country), movies, netflix, and the internet, the Church so often is silent on the subject. If it ever does come up, it’s in a youth Sunday school class, where the bottom line is simply “DON’T!” I grew up out of well meaning churches like this. And looking back, the best reason given to me as a teenager to wait til marriage for the privilege of sex was to avoid STD’s.

But is that really it?!? Is that God’s motivation for telling over-hormonally-charged teens and single adults to not engage in sex outside of marriage? Is there nothing else? Couldn’t protection and being “careful” who you sleep around with keep you out that kind of trouble? If so, isn’t God kind of… out-dated, when it comes to sex and relationships?

First of all, yes, God does actually warn about STD’s… seriously, check it out here. But there’s much more. God created sex (Genesis 2:21-25). We, humans, didn’t just discover it one day, to the complete shock and amazement of our Creator. The way some Christians approach the subject, you would think that sex was invented by Hugh Hefner.

Sex is a gift from God that is too beautiful and vulnerable to be fully appreciated outside of the safety of a committed relationship… marriage. And don’t tell me you’re in a committed relationship if you’re single. The only real commitment that a dating couple has to each other is “I’m not going to date anyone else… for now.” Commitment is more than a feeling. It is an action. If you say you are committed to someone, prove it. Marry them! In nearly every incident of premarital sex that has crossed my path I’ve made one of two observations:

Sex before marriage:

Ruins good relationships, or
Prolongs bad relationships.

Additionally, the more a person sleeps around outside of marriage, the more they tend to have a diminished view of their self worth and the more likely they tend to be in making more poor choices regarding their sex life. And in the couples I’ve counseled who have slept together before marriage and ended up getting married still, nearly every couple wishes they had waited.

I know, I know… that sounds hard. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy. And a happy, healthy, long-lasting marriage might be the most worthwhile thing in the world, humanly speaking. So certainly it might require the patience to wait for one of the greatest privileges that come with the safety of marriage. It might be old-fashioned. But even your great-grandparents got some thing right.

God is not a cosmic kill-joy. He simply places a high value on the privilege of sex. I’ve never met a married couple who waited, who told me “I wish we had not waited.” But I know many, many people who would say, “I wish I had.” Don’t be one of them. Make your love life count. You won’t regret it.

Blessings,

John