respect – John Markum

The High 5 for Hubands

Posted on July 24, 2011 by johnmarkum

“Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her… for a man who shows love for his wife, actually loves himself.” Ephesians 5 :25,28

The idea of the husband “loving” his wife here in Ephesians 5, is the idea “to cherish.” In other words, to make safe; worth protecting; to treat as precious. This means that she can allow herself to be vulnerable because she is safe with you.

Husbands, if you want a happy marriage, you must make your wife feel cherished in the following 5 areas. Wives, don’t be afraid to point your man to this post:

Physically: This one’s simple. Bottom line, she doesn’t have to be afraid that you’ll physically hurt her. This also includes providing a safe home, keeping “bad guys” away from your family, and getting up to chase odd “noises” out of the house at all hours of the night.
Emotionally: This is most often displayed best during a disagreement by what you say and don’t say, and how you say it. If you resort to verbally attacking your wife during an argument, she will not feel emotionally safe around you. But if you can find a way to speak life into her even though you’re upset, then you can actually gain from an argument, instead of simply enduring it.
Financially: Dude, you don’t have to make all the money in the house (although you could…). You don’t even have to make most of the money. Honestly, if you’re wife is some mega-millionaire author, I don’t even care if you work outside the home at all. But you are still responsible for making sure the financial needs of your family are met. You don’t have to make excessive amounts of revenue, but you must make her feel safe, financially.
Sexually: Sex is more than a physical interaction between a husband and wife. It is emotional and, I believe, even spiritual. Many women feel the most vulnerable in this area, and her husband must make her feel loved, cherished, precious, and worth protecting. Men, be very careful about criticizing your wife’s body or giving her a litany of the things about her physically that you wish were different. Choose to see her as the most beautiful women in your world. True love isn’t blind. It just wears blinders.
Spiritually: In too many homes, the wife is the one nagging everyone on the weekend to get ready for church. I’m just going to say it: Husbands, stand up and be a man. Take leadership in your home. YOU be the agent of spiritual growth for your family. Don’t make your wife have to take those reigns. Pray with your wife. Talk to her about spiritual things. If she knows more than you, it’s ok. Ask her questions. Initiate spiritual leadership in your home.

All these things are intertwined. They are connected and one affects another. This may seem like an over-simplification of how a husband should treat his wife, but if every husband (myself included) became masters at loving their wives in these 5 ways, we would all likely have better marriages.

Blessings,

John

My kids say, “Yes sir”

Posted on July 8, 2011 by johnmarkum

I’ve heard it all…

That’s old fashioned.
You were raised in the South, weren’t you?
Were you in the military or something?
etc…

Recently, Tiffany and I have been cracking down on our girls answering us with a “yes sir” or “yes ma’am” when we call them to come to us or when we tell them to do something. Some think that is kind of outdated, but there has definitely been a notable change. Emilee’s attitude has improved 200% in the last 3 weeks. Kali has been playing nicer with everyone. And the two of them have taken initiative with cleaning their rooms, helping set the table, and much more.

Here’s what we’ve noticed: There is a direct connection between honor and obedience. So when I teach my kids how to honor their parents, somehow they simultaneous learn that honor is more than just giving the right answer when told to do something.

And just in case you were wondering, yes, I do say “yes ma’am” to Tiffany and to our girls. And I say “yes sir” to my 2 year old son. I want my girls to know how to be treated by a boy, and I want my little man to one day be a man of honor. So I speak life into them now.

It’s not a southern culture or a military culture. It’s a culture of honor. And the benefits of teaching our kids about honor are multi-dimensional.

Create a culture of honor and respect in your home. You won’t regret it.

“Give to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.” Romans 13:7

Blessings,

John

The Worthwhile Marriage

Posted on May 20, 2011 by johnmarkum

Beth and Randy Ritter are the epitome of a worthwhile marriage to Tiffany and me. They were in their 70’s when Tiff and I knew them, and had been married for over 50 years. Every Sunday they would walk from the church parking lot into the building holding hands, smiling, making eyes at each other, and giggling like a couple of 18 year-old’s on their first date. They had raised kids together, moved around the country, and were the embodiment of self-sacrificial love. I learned more about a worthwhile marriage from watching the two of them for 3 years than in an entire marriage seminar. I doubt they even realized they had an impact on my marriage, but they did.

If nothing worthwhile is ever easy, marriage is definitely an example worth noting: It is both worthwhile and difficult. And I’m not saying that because my marriage is struggling. I’m saying that because my marriage takes work, like every marriage that counts.

This is the reason why no pastor at Edgewood would ever perform a wedding for someone that had not first gone through a series of pre-marriage counseling sessions. Each of us do a few things different but the overall message is the same with all of us: a wothwhile marriage takes work. Too many couples spend way more time and money on one day, the wedding, but then expect the rest of their marriage to be simple, effortless bliss. The average cost of a wedding is just over $24,000! That’s more money than I made per year in my first job out of college. But for all the fuss, and preparation, and money, and stress, very few actually expect to have to work at their marriage.

It kills me when I hear other couples say things like “I wish we had a marriage like Mr./Mrs. So-n-so!” Well then do the things that Mr. and Mrs. So-n-so are doing! Mr. and Mrs. So-n-so would tell you that they make time for each other, they work through their disagreements, they put the desires and needs of the other above their own, and they still have dates. And if you have kids, then you have to double your efforts. Because having kids raises the stress level in your marriage and decreases you motivation to want to do anything for anyone else.

And older couples are in just as much need to do something difficult in their marriage. The divorce statistics of couples who have been married for 15+ years is alarming. I’ve lost track of the couples I’ve heard of that had a great marriage at one point, and a few years after the kids leave home, they split too.

If you want a good marriage, you’ve got to do the things that create a good marriage. As a man who married way out of his league, I can tell you from firsthand experience that it pays off to put hard work into your marriage. We celebrate 7 years this June, and it seems unreal that we’ll be having our fourth (and final!) child this August. Some days it feel like we’re running an asylum trying to keep up with the needs of a home, 3 kids, a growing ministry, and each other. But Tiffany is my best friend and partner in all of these areas of my life and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Whether you and your better-half are newly weds, veterans, engaged, or you’re as single as a $1 bill, your marriage (or future marriage) will depend on your willingness to do what is worthwhile versus what is convenient.

Have a long, healthy, worthwhile marriage!

Blessings,

John